Careful
by BeautyIsHerName
Summary: You can't be too careful anymore;When all that is waiting for you;Won't come any closer;You've got to reach out a little more... Please review  ECLARE! and others :D  By the way, I DO NOT OWN Degrassi! Finally Complete!
1. For a Pessimist

**For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic**

Clare closed her eyes, smelling the crisp breeze in the air. Finally she made it to her grandmother's. Her safe haven for the summer. Torture was her eight months in school….and at home. The constant bickering, the constant reminder of Darcy's perfection, the constant reminder that she was not good enough for either her mother or father. Her grandmother was the only one who understood. She gave her all the love and affection she needed.

She didn't mind staying on her farm with her. There was never a boring minute. A cow always needed to be milked, an animal was always delivering. Being here gave Clare the feeling that she was needed. Everyone wanted to feel needed in some way.

She opened her eyes taking in the green pastures. It was a small farm compared to others, located on the outskirts of town. It was not hidden, but sometimes she pretended it to be. Life became more bearable when she thought like this. She smiled twirling around; the dizziness took over and she was soon on the green grass. Smiling to herself, she thought of Julia Andrews in "The Sound of Music." There was so much she wanted to do like climb the trees and enjoy herself in the tire swing, but her mind was set on her grandmother first. She was getting older and her body was wearing down a little bit. She still insisted that she helped around the farm and cooked, even though she hired helpers. Clare decided to pick some sunflowers for her granny.

…..

Walking in the little white house, her grandmother was already at trying to move a Chester drawer.

"Lovely, please help an old woman out." She smiled at her beautiful granddaughter.

"Granny, no stop. I can move it for you."

"No, dear, I need something…"

"I know but what if your back goes out again? Adam and Dave are here too."

"They are outside tending to the chickens." Clare rolled her eyes at the excuse. She saw where she got her stubbornness from.

"Speaking of Dave, how is he?" Clare put the flowers in the vase and made them some tea, sitting her granny on the couch.

"He's doing as well as to be expected dear. Sheila was suffering so much. He had to pull the plug on her. It was a hard decision to make: deciding the fate of his mother. No child wants to live without their mother."Clare nodded but in her situation, she would like nothing more than to be away from her mother. Joyce did not see her as a person, but more like a sculpture…a creature to molded. The dance classes, the etiquette lessons, the pageants….she was expected to be perfect, but perfect was not even good enough. No wonder why she used to cut herself.

"Your right." Clare agreed.

"By the way Clare, Eli is working this summer too. Please try to get along with him." Clare almost choked on her tea. Amelia snickered at her grandchild. She was old yet wise.

"Why? He has the worst attitude ever." Clare rolled her eyes. No she didn't like him at all. He was like a waste of space. He made it apparent that he didn't like her or the farm either.

"Because Lovely, sometimes there are people in this world that you have to get to know in order to see their inner beauty." She drank her tea.

….

Eli headed down the road on his way to Amelia's, He was indebted to her and her deceased husband Earl. They were the kindest people he and his family ever met. Because his family helped build coops and repair appliances in their home, Earl gave his mother and father a thousand dollars to help build their own radio station. Out of the kindness of his heart he gave it to them…..no loan….or payback.

It wasn't that he didn't like being there; it was just that they reminded him of what he didn't have with his parents. Sure, they loved him, but they were not close. Seeing the love shown by Amelia was indescribable. She treated everyone as if they were her own. It was as beautiful as it was sickening to him. Dave and Adam were the only two who were going to make this trip bearable. Hearing the vibration on his phone, he ignored him. It was just his girlfriend. He liked her but, he needed some time to breathe.

…..

"I won't make any promises, but I will try ok." Clare said. She was lying and her granny knew it. She soon her the raggedy black hearse pull up. The dogs, Zipper and Pocket, ran up to him. It was as if they recognized him as part of their family. He would never be apart of her family. As he got his bags, Amelia, came down the porch wiping her hands on her apron, and hugged him.

"Hey." Eli simply said. Amelia never thought he was weird. He just didn't like to say much. He reminded her so much of Earl. Besides the black clothing, he was pretty decent. As he walked up the steps, Clare came out leaning against the door frame, making it clear she did not want him there. Saying no words, they glared angrily at one another.

"You're going to have to let me inside you know. Wouldn't want to upset your grandmother, would you?" Eli broke the peace. Clare just stared at him up and down. She never saw what Amelia saw in him. Why did he only wear black? Was he trying to prove himself to society? Was he trying to make himself seem as if he didn't care what others think? He was clearly trying too hard. She eventually moved out of his way.

"Asshole." She whispered underneath her breath as he walked. Hearing her comment, he smirked. This girl was priceless

…

How could he forget Clare was here too? She was the only girl who was able to get underneath his skin. She just thought she was "too much." Preps like her only judged him for his appearance. He never wanted to be superficial like that. How can someone like that have Amelia's genes in their system?

_Knock, Knock_

"I know Clare can be stubborn, but she does have a good heart you know." Eli didn't acknowledge her presence; he continued to unpack. He knew she didn't take offense to him. They were both used to each other's behaviors.

"Just give her time." She walked out the room.

…

Clare continued to chuck corn and Amelia began to knit.

"That's a really beautiful blanket granny." Clare admired her work.

"It's yours. I want to finish it while I'm still here." Amelia started to daze off.

"Don't say things like that. You will be here." Clare said. How can one speak of death so casually?

"I am getting old dear. Every day I see a wrinkle that was not there or feel a different pain." She kissed her Lovely.

"Welcome home Clare-bear" Adam walked in giving his "little sister" a hug.

"Hey Adam, are you done outside?" Clare asked.

"Yeah. Why didn't you tell me Eli was here? Wait…..dumb question. Of course you wouldn't tell me. You hate his guts." Adam laughed. Clare and Eli were a trip. They are over the most miniscule things possible just to get on each other's nerves.

"Where's Dave?' Amelia asked.

"O…just in the stables….he's fine…..he's just tired. He hasn't been sleeping well."

….

"Sup Adam." Eli walked down steps, overlooking the place to see what needed to be repaired.

"Nuthin much. I thought you would never get here." Adam gave Eli his tool belt.

"Eli, I know you love your black, but this house has a lot of needed repairs. It's gonna get really hot outside. I had your mom send me some light colored clothes. She insisted that you wouldn't wear them, but could you please do it for me?"

"Whatever." Eli walked to the refrigerator to get himself a coke. He couldn't deny the old woman for nothing in the world. Amelia smiled knowing he would do what she asked. Dave soon walked in. No one noticed his presence because they were trying to calm Clare down.

Clare was furious. Who did he think he was to talk to her grandmother like that? "You know what Eli, I'm tired of your…." She began to yell.

"Okay children." Adam helped Amelia up, "Get Dave, so we can all eat."

"I'm already here." Dave smiled. He could not wait to see Eli and Clare at dinner. They had front row seats to another entertaining argument.


	2. Playing God

**Chapter 2**

**Playing God **

….

Every mouth dropped as they saw what Amelia prepared for them: roast beef, cornbread dripped in honey, green beans, and black-eyed peas. She really outdid herself. Clare smiled admiring the old woman. She brought the lemonade to the table as Adam set the plates. Dave placed the silverware while Eli fed Pocket and Zipper.

Sitting themselves down, Amelia passed the peas. "Okay Dave, you have to eat sweetie before you get sick. Shelia would want you healthy." Dave did as the woman said. As much as he hated that she wasn't there with him, he even happier that she wasn't in pain.

"Okay….okay." He popped some peas in his mouth.

"By the way Adam, I don't like you lifting up heavy things." The group of teenagers choked on their food, looking at one another.

"Did I say something wrong? Your body can't handle all that stress." She stated. She didn't know exactly about Adam but she knew he was she. She was old not senile nor blind, at least not yet. Her age gave her wisdom. Nothing new has ever been done under the sun.

"Milly….I can handle it."

"I know you can Adam, just if something is too heavy, just let us know. Now let's get eating. Pass the salt please."

"Here you go." Eli gave it to her.

"Kudos to Eli, you said a coherent sentence for once." Clare cut into her meat smiling triumphantly.

"O dear" Amelia drank her drink. It was times like these she wished Earl was still here so she could steal some of his rum. She missed the old man. Eli ignored her. Dave and Adam cursed underneath their breath because they wanted to see fireworks…more like an explosion.

"Granny, that's too much salt. You know you have high blood pressure."

"We are all gonna die eventually." Eli stated taking a bite out of the cornbread.

"I know you don't care about my grandmother…since you don't even care about yourself…..but I do." At last, Adam and Dave were going have a good laugh after all.

"Let me guess. You are one of those people who like to control everything and everyone in plain view because you have no control of your own life. What… mommy's not there to show you the way?" He smirked. They are looked at him. He didn't realize what he said until he said it. He still hid his emotions behind a blank stare.

Clare hit her hands on the table. "I am nothing like my mother…I am nothing…like…her." She began to leave with the butter knife in her hand.

"What? She started it." Eli finished his plate.

…..

Clare closed herself off in the bathroom, locking it. She knew she had started the argument but she didn't know he would take it that far. It was her fault like everything else was in her life. She threw the knife down in the bathtub. She hadn't cut since last year. Instances like these made it very tempting.

…

"That was really messed up." Dave stood up. "You don't do that to someone. I'm gonna go check up on her." Dave knew what it was like to not have control. He knew what it was like to love and hate someone at the same time.

"Clare, can I come in?" Dave asked.

"No…..go away." Dave opened the door ignoring her. She looked surprised that he opened it. "There is only one way to lock a door in this house, lean a chair against the door knob." He smiled.

"Can I ask you a question?" She dried her face. "How do you learn to deal with the hardships of life? How do you live?"

"There is no simple answer. You just live. I surround myself with people who care for me. When I get sad, I just close my eyes and breathe….sometimes I even cry" He hugged her, then began to open cabinets.

"You think I'm going to cut again." Clare said. "Thank you."

"No problem." Dave took the razors and safety pins out of the bathroom.

"Ummm…..by the way….Adam's searching your room too." What would she ever do without Twidle dee and Twidle dumb?

….

Eli began fixing the cabinet doors. Anything he could do to avoid Amelia's disapproving glare, he would do. He didn't mean to upset her. He just wanted to get her off of his back. Clare made it her mission to point out his faults as if she was so perfect herself. He was so in tuned to his work that he barely felt Amelia's wrinkled hand on his shoulder.

"Eli, dear…..take a seat." Obeying he helped her sit down as well.

"This can not go on any longer. You are Clare can't keep making each other miserable. It's eating you both up inside…..and frankly…..I can't live in a house with dysfunction. You two both have to resolve this feud. Now excuse an old lady. See you in the morning." As she walked off, he knew he had to make things right. By the sounds upstairs, he could tell she had not settled down. He would apologize after he finished the work downstairs.

….

Clare looked at her stomach as she changed into her pajamas. If she had known, the scars would look like this, she would have never have started? If she showed her mother these, she would say how ugly they were, rather than to think of why she had cut in the first place. Tracing them lightly, it was like she was in a trance. She was remembering every chastisement she endured.

_Knock, knock_

"Can I come in?" Eli peeked in the door sitting down at the desk. "I just want to apologize." He stepped in not waiting for a response.

"Don't, I don't need your sympathy. It still doesn't change what you said." She pulled her shirt down quickly so he wouldn't see how hideous she looked.

"I know that but I was out of line. I just said it because I wanted you to shut-up. We are always arguing. Aren't you tired of it?"

"Don't act so self-righteous; granny put you up to it." Clare rearranged herself on the bed. Eli would never hit a woman, but he wanted to shake some sense into Clare so bad. She hated to be proven wrong.

"I do as I please….you know what….screw you…..I guess you're too perfect to let bygones be bygones." As he stood up to walk away, Clare lightly punched his back. Taken aback, he turned around to look at her. Her pale face was deep red.

"Don't preach to me about perfection. You have no idea what it's like to live up to someone's expectations. You have no idea what it's like to live in the shadow of someone else."

She lifted her hand about to strike him again. Before she could blink, he caught her upper arms and pushed her against the wall. All of a sudden….. they weren't mad at one another. Their eyes were looking intensely into one another's. He didn't notice how blue her eyes were before.

Speechless, she didn't know what to do as she felt him grab her. She turned her head when she noticed he felt the scars on her arm through the fabric.

"I bet your patting yourself on the back right now…breaking me down…be just like her….call me an idiot….trash…..worthless." She cried hysterically. He loosened his grip on her arms, saving her scars for another topic, and embraced her. Clare pushed him away.

"Let me go." He did as she said. It wasn't his business. Why should he care? He excused himself to his room.

….

This girl was relentless. Could she not text him for hour? Would it kill her to something else to do? 11 text messages. Wow! This takes the cake. As much as he cared for her, Clare was running through his mind. He didn't know how much she was harboring until the outburst. He thought her to be frigid to no end….at least with him. As he laid down in bed, he thought one thing:

_Her eyes are really beautiful._


	3. Here We Go Again

**Chapter 3**

**Here We Go Again**

…..

Another day at the farm. Everyone was pitching in. Eli was fixing light fixtures; Adam and Dave were taking care of their two horses, Angel and Diablo. Dave has got stop Adam from naming animals. Her grandmother was watching "Young and the Restless" in her bedroom. She would then watch the news and "Bold and the Beautiful."Everyone knew to leave her alone for two hours.

As she began shaving the corn off of the cob she was working on yesterday, Eli walked in wearing a white muscle shirt. When he turned his back, she took a quick glance. She would lie if she said he was not attractive or that he did not have a nice body. Eli noticed how the sun had shined on her soft features. Wait…he couldn't do this…..he had a girlfriend…..who truly cared for him. Last night was on constant replay in his mind. As much as he wanted to give her comfort, he was sure she wanted to avoid him.

Clare didn't know what to do. She was kicking herself mentally as she boiled the potatoes because she needed to apologize. She was wrong on so many levels yesterday, cursing him, hitting him….the list goes on and on. She fixed him some lemonade getting his attention.

Concentrating on the light at hand rather than Clare, he proceeded to get the work done. Hearing her voice, he put the screwdriver in his belt and stepped down the ladder. When he faced her, she looked down not wanting to see his green eyes. She shyly held up the glass.

"Can we call this our white flag?" He smirked humbly accepting.

…..

Dave was brushing Angel, preparing to take her for a ride. Adam was getting his saddle for Diablo.

"How did Amelia know about "the real you?" Dave asked hoisting himself up.

"I have no idea. I thought I was being discreet with the chest bindings." Adam began to ride Diablo.

"It's good though. At least you don't have to hide anymore." Dave smiled.

"Yeah, I thought she would hate me if she found out, but she doesn't. Maybe one day, I will explain it to her fully."

"Let's not put her into cardiac arrest." They began riding.

"Dave, if you need anything. I am here for you. We all are." Adam reassured him.

"I know."

…

"Where are you heading to, pretty lady?" She paid her money to the gas station clerk. She really missed Eli. She knew their relationship was crumbling but she always liked to finish a book from beginning to end. That's why she decided to visit him. He couldn't push her away if she made a surprise visit.

"I'm going to the Edwards' farm." His expression changed at her answer.

"O…..ok…be careful…There are some characters at that house. I heard one of the workers is loon. She dresses as a man. Can you believe that? Her other worker is the son of crack addict who just recently died. He might have been a drug dealer himself.

"I'm not one to listen to rumors or gossip, sir." She put her sunglasses on and continued her journey.

….

"Thank you. I needed a drink." He smiled at her. Clare had so much to say. Now why can't she say it when she needed to say it?

"I wanted to apologize for last night…."

"Look, we both said things last night….truce?" He extended his hand.

"Truce." Clare looked into his eyes, shaking his hand quickly. "But let's make one thing clear. Amelia is a decent person who likes you, start talking to her with more respect." She almost forgot she left the potatoes on. Turning the stove off, she began to get the mustard, pimentos, mayo, and pickle relish out the ice box to fix the potatoe salad.

"You see I'm wearing this white t-shirt, right? I am trying." He smirked following her, curious to see what she was preparing.

….

As she pulled into the driveway, she noticed two boys racing horses. As she stepped out of the car herself, she felt like she was at home. There was something about this place she would not forget.

….

Clare grabbed for the bowl on the top shelf. Eli's observing eyes were making her nervous, but she didn't want to be rude by telling him to stop….right? As she put the chopped potatoes in the bowl she began to squeeze the mustard out of the bottle. Then the most embarrassing thing happened; the mustard squirted on her face. Eli laughed reaching for a paper towel, wetting it. As she reached for it, he stopped her, walking up closer to her. Clare didn't understand what was going on. All she knew was that the closer he got to her, the faster her heart started beating.

"Let me." He volunteered, wiping her mouth gently. As he set the towel down, he moved his thumb over her lip whispering:

"Did I get it all off?" Eli leaned down to….

_Ding Dong _

"Damn It" Eli said mad that someone interrupted them. Clare looked through the peep hole to find a girl on the other side as she opened the door.

"Hi, how are you?" Clare always stated the truth. This girl was beautiful. She was about 5'3 and brown skinned. Her makeup was natural and enhanced her features.

"I'm fine and you?" Clare welcomed her in. Eli heard her voice from the bathroom he was hiding from. Walking out he said:

"Hey Alli." Eli hugged her.

…

Clare walked back to the kitchen to prepare supper. Of course he had a girlfriend. Of course she would be beautiful too with a great sense of fashion. What made it even worse was that Alli wasn't stuck up…she was sweet as pie. Clare didn't show it but she was upset. The one person she thought she hated turned out to be the one person she liked.

"I see we have a guest." Amelia walked in hugging the girl.

"Hi, I'm Alli…..I'm not staying for long. I was just coming to visit Eli." Alli explained. She missed him but being with him felt different. It was like they were growing apart. He didn't even kiss her. She also noticed that Amelia's granddaughter was stunning. Her features were so angelic. She could tell Clare very caring.

"Nonsense, dear. I need to talk to you Clare. You got some grocery shopping to do." Clare followed her granny to the bedroom.

"You aren't hurt by seeing Alli's arrival are you?" Amelia asked when they were out of earshot.

"…..A little bit." Clare said in a low tone.


	4. That's What You Get

Chapter 4

That's What You Get

…..

Alli didn't know why she bothered coming. Their relationship was over and she knew it. She made a complete fool of herself. The unanswered phone calls and text messages were a red flag. It wasn't like she loved him or anything. She did like him, but it was a mere crush. Eli was a rebel and a romantic. What girl wouldn't want that?

Eli felt bad she was here. He made her waste a ride for something he should have said before the summer break began. If he would have told her a week ago, she would have been over him by now. Instead, she was sitting here…on a couch….. trying to form conversation with a person who was not willing to do so. He wasn't being harsh. They didn't have anything in common. They never did.

"Well…at least I have closure." Alli laughed softly. She knew it was mutual between her and him. They would forever be friends. They were just not meant to be.

….

"Don't worry Clare. Remember, everything happens for a reason. Now go with Eli and Adam to get my groceries." Amelia dismissed her in a hurry.

"Thanks for the sentimental pep talk." Clare stated in a sarcastic manner underneath her breath.

…..

Dave walked in the house noticing the unfamiliar green mustang in the front lawn. To top it off, the owner was going to be pissed because the front right tire had a flat. Adam took the horses back to the stall. Dave just had to go to sleep, sleep deprivation was catching up to him.

"Not to be a bearer of bad news, but the owner of the mustang has a flat tire." Overhearing the announcement from the bathroom, Alli washed her hands and ran outside.

"I am taking a nap." Dave walked upstairs. Eli went outside to check Alli's flat.

"Don't worry. It can be fixed. After Dave wakes up, he'll fix it for you." Eli headed to his car, as Clare and Adam followed.

"In the meantime, dear, help me prepare some dessert." Amelia grabbed her hand and led her in the house.

…

Clare was quiet as she buckled herself in the hearse. She was upset at herself but she knew deep down she always liked Eli. She was just fighting against the feelings she felt. The harder she pushed away, the harder they came back…tenfold. All she could do is live with them and soon they would die.

Eli had to get his mind off of just what happened. He just broke up with one girl and found himself wanting to be with another girl one second later. All these feelings created a riot within himself. He had to distract his mind because Adam wasn't talking either. Turning up his radio, he was glad to hear "The Dead Hand."

Eli just had to make things worse by blasting his music in her ear. She reached over to lower it. He then reached over to turn it up. To Adam's amusement, they did this for another 5 minutes. Soon Eli reached his hand over Clare's. She soon found herself lacing her fingers with him, then moving her hand away.

"Back at square one I see." Eli commented.

…..

" I don't really know how to cook, Mrs. Amelia." Alli stated as she put on the apron the old woman gave her.

"That's why I'm here. So, tell me about yourself." Amelia started to look for the cake recipe as Alli pulled up her sleeves and put her hair in a ponytail.

"I am just your average teen girl who loves to shop and have fun." Alli helped crack the eggs for her.

"Let us not forget you are also one who likes to disobey her parents too." She put her head down at this comment. How did Amelia know she took her mom's car without permission?

"I believe the flat tire is repairable. Just hope Dave can fix it." Alli smiled as she heard his snore from upstairs.

"He has been tired lately. See his mother died a few of weeks ago. He hasn't been able to talk about it or sleep at all."

"Poor baby." Alli said as she grabbed the measuring cup on the other side of the cabinet for the woman.

….

As they entered the store, they decided to split the list. Clare got the drinks, cooking necessities, and vegetables while Eli and Adam got the medicines, cereals, and bread.

"Cut the bull Eli. What's going on between you and Clare? One minute you are both hating each other, the next you guys are acting like you want to be…..I don't know…can you give me a play by play." Eli lifted his head from the list.

"Honestly Adam. I wish I could say. Every time I'm around, it's like I want to stay away but I can't. Something just keeps me near her." He put the Corn Flakes in the basket. Does every old person love corn flakes?

"What about you and Alli."

"We broke up….finally. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest."

"Was she that bad?" Adam grabbed the bread.

"No she was just not my style."

….

As she placed the pan in the oven. She guided Amelia to sit down. She set the timer for 30 minutes. Ali decided to go check up on Dave. As much as she argued with her mother, she would never want to replace her. She could not begin to picture life without her. As she opened the door, she saw him tossing and turning in the bed.

"Don't leave me" Tears fell from his eyes.

"It's ok." Alli rocked him. He held onto her tightly. When he started to relax, she let him go stepping out of the room. Before she walked out completely, she took one last look at him.

…

As they packed their groceries in the car, Adam decided to break the ice…more like thin ice.

"So Eli, now that Alli is not your girlfriend, will you turn your affections toward someone else?" Eli wanted to jump over the seat and kick his ass. He didn't know what he wanted. Correction, he didn't know what Clare wanted. Even now, her face showed no emotion. Could she for once just show him the real her?

…..

Thirty minutes later, they arrived at home. Ali and Adam unpacked the groceries, leaving Clare to finish frying the fish. Dave then woke up to fix the flat tire. Alli followed him to the garage, putting her car in neutral. Thank God Earl was a renowned mechanic. They had everything they needed at their disposal. As Dave used the jack, Alli asked him:

"Do you always have nightmares like those?" Dave was trying to hardest to ignore the question. He began working diligently. Soon he patched up the tire putting air in it.

"You're good to go." Dave began to walk off as she grabbed his arm.

"I'm ok. Will everyone stop treating me as if I'm a child? You've just met me today and you're treating me like a puppy. Stop. I don't need any special treatment." He screamed walking in the house he said:

"I'm not eating. I lost my appetite." It was needless to say they all heard the argument outside but pretended otherwise.

Ali walked back inside. She was just being nice. She didn't mean to offend him. Now he was angry at her for showing him compassion and care. Feeling as if she over exceeded her welcome, she began to grab her things.

"Thank you so much Amelia, but I'm going to go too. I'll come back and visit you."

"Ok Ali, come back in two days." Amelia handed her a plate to take home, hugging the girl.

"Bye Clare. Nice meeting. Bye Eli." Clare escorted her out.

"I can't wait to see you. Be safe." Clare closed her car door.

…..

Super was quiet that night. Amelia was concerned for all her children. Clare's broken heart and her inability to show affection towards Eli, Dave's inability to come to grips with his mother, Adam's inability to feel comfortable in his own skin, and Eli's inability to understand Clare. What was an old woman to do? As they cleaned the dishes, Amelia made a plate for Dave to eat later. Adam walked her to her bedroom.

"Remember Adam. You said you were going to help me at the church bake sale tomorrow." He grimaced. He hated going to church. He loved the Lord, but at times he felt as if Christians were the most judgmental ever.

…..

Ring, Ring

Clare picked up the phone. She instantly regretted it. It was her mother. She needed to get her granny a caller id. Why did she have to call? Why couldn't she leave her alone? Eli noticed how was shutting down. She was starting to breathe and shake. He instantly grabbed the phone from her hand.

"Hello." Eli answered.

"Is Clare there?" Her mother dismissed him.

"_Well hello to you to"_ Eli thought. After Clare calmed herself down, she grabbed the receiver.

"Yeah I'm here." Clare said as Eli started rubbing her back.

"Remember not to eat much fried food. You have to start getting ready for….."

"Mom, I thought I was taking a break. I need a…"

"Clare Diane Edwards, stop whining. It shows weakness." Eli could hear the whole conversation. This was her life at home. She had no freedom. She was shown no love. No wonder she acted like this.

"Ok." Clare reluctantly said. "Did you want to speak to granny?"

"No, just tell not to base everything with grease. Bye." Clare hung-up and got out of Eli's hold.

"I'm going to go to bed." She looked into his eyes. She wanted to do something but she didn't know what.

…..

"That was some scene with Alli today." Eli said as sat on the bed. Adam and Dave were blowing up their air mattresses. Dave knew he wrong for yelling at her. He didn't know why he did. She was only worried about him.

"I know man. I was just mad at everyone. I took it out on her." He remembered how her dark eyes glowed with concern.

"Accidents happen." Adam understood. At this point, he wished he could just run away for tomorrow. Sensing his mind was someplace else, Eli said:

"Why did you volunteer to go with her?"

"I didn't actually think she would take me up on the offer. You would think she would have taken Clare."

"You know how Milly is, she has a sixth sense or something. Usually when she does something, it's for a good reason." Dave said. Five minutes later, they heard Clare scream. Eli volunteered himself to check on her. As he was about to enter her room, she quieted down. He was happy she was resting but he was sad. He wanted to hold her once more.


	5. Pressure

**Chapter 5**

**Pressure**

…

Adam, the outside world referred to him as Gracie, was getting ready for today. He knew this day would be a terrible one. He could already hear the snickering from the little children and see the older women's disapproving glances. The preacher would usually give him a scripture to read. He thought he could "heal" him. All his life, Adam believed something was wrong with him. His parents imprinted the idea in his head. They had disowned him when he began to dress as a boy. Amelia use to cook for his family. After hearing the situation, she let him stay with her. He would die for the woman.

As he checked his chest bindings, he put on his hat. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. It took him longer to come to grips with himself. He concluded God wanted him this way.

"Suck it up. It's just 3 hours." As he walked downstairs, Amelia was dressed waiting on the porch. Taking her hand, they walked to the church bus that was waiting to take them to their destination.

…..

Today was a lazy day. Clare was in bed awake. She didn't have the energy to get up. She felt so drained. Her mother's words were going through her mind. She was like a wind-up doll. She had no opinion.…..nothing to give to anyone. Eli was right. She was about to go back to sleep until she heard her stomach growling.

Eli got out of bed when he heard some rambling downstairs. Brushing his teeth, he headed down stairs. He noticed how Clare was frantically looking through cabinets.

Clare knew her granny would not have any Nutri-Grain Bars or health food. She decided to eat a salad with cucumbers and tomatoes sprinkled with lemon juice. Eli was observing her. He couldn't let her do this. It wasn't fair to herself. As she was about to place food in her mouth, Eli grabbed the bowl and fork, throwing the food in the trash.

"Clare…stop." Eli threw the food in the trash.

"Why did you do that? Do you hate me that much? I have to do this. I have to." Clare tried to make another salad, but Eli grabbed her shoulders holding her at arm's length. Looking into her eyes, he saw tears stream down her face. Trying to wipe them away, she pushed his hand away backing away from him scared.

"See what your mother is doing to you?" Eli walked up to again putting his hands on her waist, tilting her head with his finger.

…

Despite the stares from church members and customers, the bake sale was a complete success. Adam decided to ignore all the negativity because he was there for Amelia. He also wanted to prove to himself that he wasn't scared of how others viewed him. He was who he was. They didn't hide themselves from the world, why should he?

Why did they have to have it outside? They were under a tent but even the air was hot. Amelia and her friends Glenda and Simone were handing two children 4 chocolate cupcakes. Adam was slicing a piece of red velvet cake to hand to another customer. When he noticed they needed water bottles, he decided to go in the church. As he opened the door, he bumped into a girl already carrying some.

…

"She's not doing anything to me. I'm doing it to myself." Clare tried to get away from Eli but his grip was too strong. Eli was not intending on letting her go any time soon.

"Are you not listening to yourself? She's brainwashed you into thinking you're not good enough." Eli began playing in her soft curls. It was amazing how comforting her gave him comfort as well. Clare closed her eyes as she relaxed in his touch. He smirked…but all good things must come to an end as she somehow escaped him once again.

"Because I'm not." She raised her arms dramatically.

"Yes you are. You are beautiful, kind, smart, and patient. Your mom has got you so messed up you don't even know how to act when someone cares for you. You probably don't even know what it's like to be taken care of."

"What are you talking about?" Clare put more distance between her and Eli.

"Don't play. I know you have feelings for me. We've been attracted to each other since last summer. Stop denying it." Clare rubbed her forehead. She was trying to convince him and herself that there was nothing there, but she couldn't.

"Ok…yes. I do have feelings, but they just might be some impulse for me to mess up. You're the forbidden fruit."

"No…..I'm not…..that is… if you want me?" He walked up to her again. He began touching her cheeks and lips. He was memorizing her face.

…..

"I am so sorry." Adam said dropping down to help her. Her loose chocolate curls were so beautiful. Why did he have to be so clumsy? She's probably going to run back to everyone and say how the "sinner" bumped into her.

"It's ok." She spoke softly. Her grey eyes looked up at him. Usually a stereotypical boy would say some corny pickup line, but he was different. He kept his head down a lot as if he were shy as well as ashamed. She had heard rumors of this boy…or girl. He didn't deserve to be mistreated.

Adam preoccupied himself by taking the bottles out of her hand to keep from staring at her. She was truly gorgeous. She was probably getting a good glimpse of him so she could avoid him. A beautiful girl like that would never want to be his friend. Was he always going to be out of place?

"No, let me help." She kept offering."I have a better idea. Let's go back inside and get something to put these in she smiled."

"Yeah sure." He said shyly.

"By the way, my name is Fiona."

…

"Eli…I….. do want you, but I don't know how…..." She did not lie. She was not liked by boys. How can a girl who had never been kissed….let's not also forget a girl who has always kept her emotions bottled or released them in an unhealthy manner…. show a guy who was dominant how she felt.

"Just close your eyes and trust me." Something told Clare to trust him. He wouldn't hurt her…..ever. Closing her eyes, he leaned into her, pressing his lips softly against her. Pulling back, he rubbed her temples.

"You ok?" He whispered overwhelmed by the taste of her lips. She nodded. Clare had never experienced anything like this before. She was trying to catch her breath.

Eli smiled at her rosy blush. She looked so cute when she was flustered. Leaning up, she shyly pecked his lips. Tightening his grip on her, he ran his tongue along her lips begging for entry. Catching her off guard, she broke the kiss.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Eli said biting his lip.

"No…it's not that. I just don't know how to." She lowered her head. Eli was so much more experienced than she was. Taking her hand, he guided her to the loveseat making her sit on his lap.

"Just relax" He said in between kisses. "Don't think about it." Soon there tongues moved with one another. Why was Clare keeping herself away from this…..away from him?

….

As Ali began to pack, she glanced at her phone. She didn't know why she didn't give Dave her number? She didn't know why she was thinking of him. When he walked inside the house, she recognized sadness in his eyes. Sadness she had known.

Two years ago, she lost her brother and father in a plane crash. They were traveling from India on their "Father and Son Retreat." Devastation was the only definition of the funeral. She was the only one who did not cry that day. She was angry at them for leaving mom and her. Sometimes she would get angry at herself for being so selfish. That was why she clung onto male attention because she lacked it at home.

When Dave yelled at her, she knew it was not her she was yelling at. It was his mother and anyone else who had hurt him in the process. She saw herself in him.

That was one thing Sav and her father's death brought to her: clarity. She matured and lived life to the fullest. She became caring. Hopefully she could teach Dave the same.

…..

On the loveseat, the two teenagers broke apart for air. Their lips were so numb but they didn't want to stop. They were putting everything they had in that kiss. All the times they argued were really all the times they wanted to touch each other….all the times they glared at one another were all the times they wanted to say "I need you." Finally, they were here. Kissing and touching each other.


	6. Emergency

**Chapter 6**

**Emergency**

….

Dave snuck quietly passed Eli and Clare this morning, but the way they were making out….they couldn't hear anything if they tried too. He swept the porch. He hated days like these where there was nothing to day. That meant he had to think about his present.

Climbing the tree, he looked at the sky as he sat on the branch. His mother was addicted to cocaine but she died of lung cancer. The last three years of her life, she became clean but she still smoked. Dave was just happy to see his mother smiling again; they began to bond. She became his best friend. He never knew his father. He knew the townspeople talked about her. He had heard all the rumors. If they chose to believe them, then that was them.

The last year of her life was painful to watch. Dave cried as he saw her withered body in the hospital bed. She was incoherent the whole time period but when he grabbed her hand, she always squeezed back. He knew she was going to die; he was ready to see her in peace. He did not want to let her memory go. Being a member of the church, Amelia opened her house to him and treated him like a son.

Guilt was on his conscience. Alli was a nice girl. She did not deserve to be the receiver of his back lash. When she comes back, he was going to clear the air.

…..

"Are you always this shy?" Fiona asked finding a container in the church pantry. Adam made her curious. His features…her features….were very soft. She felt weird thinking of he as a she. He was a girl technically, not a boy. Was she wrong?

"…..Yeah. It takes me a long time to get used to people." Actually, it usually took him longer than long. New people who came in his life don't stay for long, but the thought of not seeing Fiona again made his heart drop.

Fiona was putting ice in the container. He must have had a lot on his mind. As she sat the bucket down, Adam placed the water inside. He must have looked sad because Fiona touched his hand asking:

"Are you ok?" Her grey eyes sparkled.

"Yeah. We should be heading back now." Adam broke her grip. How can someone like a girl they just met? He found himself wanting to run his fingers through her hair.

…..

Breaking apart, Clare smiled. She felt so dizzy. Trying to get up, Eli helped her regain her balance.

"Wow," That was the only word Clare could muster.

"I know right." Eli said. He found himself never wanting to let her go. They closed their eyes touching their foreheads together.

"I knew you liked me." He smirked; Clare playfully punched him in the arm. Smiling, he remembered her scars. For some reason he wanted to see them. Clare was watching him as he began to lift her medium-length sleeve up.

"No" She shook her head fast. Why was he doing this? Didn't he know she was self-conscious about them?

"Stop." He said low looking at her scared expression. "I'm not going to hurt you." He reassured her rolling up the sleeve. Tears formed in his eyes as he saw them. Clare couldn't look at him. She knew they were ugly.

"I know they're not nice to look at." She said softly.

"No. I was thinking about how much pain you must have endured to inflict this upon yourself." He rubbed them gently. He wanted to kiss her scars but he didn't want to be too foreword.

….

Amelia saw Adam and Fiona walking to the tent. She smiled. Perhaps Adam will open up. Fiona was not like most of the close-minded locals in the town. Partly because her brother, Declan who was homosexual. The two were very close; he was finishing an internship in the states. When he told his parents, they only laughed because they knew.

Walking in the grass, Fiona almost tripped. Adam grabbed her waist, almost dropping the bucket.

"Thanks." Fiona said.

"No problem, I just have to ask. Why are you wearing heels?" Adam laughed.

"Because, I'm too prissy for my own good." She teased flipping her hair.

Glenda looked at the two teens. She did not like it one bit. Her grand-niece was not going to fall in the footsteps of her brother. She loved Declan but she did not want his lifestyle for Fiona. No one wants to be ostracized and scrutinized.

"Fiona, I have to go to the bathroom…take over for me." Glenda tried to distract her attention. Adam knew what she was trying to do. Another day. Another disappointment.

….

"You don't think they are ugly." She looked at him in awe.

"Clare, I didn't lie. You are beautiful. You don't have to be insecure with me." Eli laughed hearing her stomach. Fixing her left overs, he brought the plate over to her.

"I can do it myself." She said.

"That's not the point. Let me take care of you." He smiled. Clare could get used to this.

….

Dave climbed to the attic through the garage. He never understood how the attic was part of the garage rather than the house. Searching, he found what he was looking for. The box his mother left him. He had been stalling for a while now. He told Adam to put it away. He felt it was time to deal with loss.

As he opened the box, he saw his mother's smile in the photograph. If he could only see it again. Rummaging again, he found his mother's locket. Tucking it in his pocket, he headed back to the house.

"Nice to see this." He smiled at Eli and Clare laying on one another watching tv.

"Yeah about time." Eli kissed Clare's forehead.

"I see you found the box." Clare smiled. "Sheila would want you to have something to remember her by." Dave nodded.

"When is Alli coming?" He asked laying the box down in the closet.

"Tomorrow morning." Clare said. "She told me yesterday. We have to pick her up at the bus stop."

"I just really feel bad about yesterday." He walked outside to ride Angel.

"Sure." Clare and Eli laughed.

…

Fiona began to sneak a brownie away when the older women had their backs turned. They were trying to raise money to reinstall new floors in the church. She was hungry and the brownies looked good.

"I see we have a bandit." Adam snuck behind her laughing as Fiona gave him one too.

"These are really good, Glenda knows how make brownies." Adam complimented.

"Well I see your talking to me now." Fiona said. "How much do you think we raised?"

"Last time I counted…200 dollars." Adam stated not knowing what else to say. He was pressing his luck. He was actually having a conversation with someone. He wanted to ask her if she wanted to come over sometime but he knew Glenda would not allow it.

"You guys…..we raised 300 dollars. We would have raised more if you had not been eating everything." Amelia said gathering her things.

"That's my cue to leave." Adam hugged Fiona.

"Do you have to go….I mean….umm….am I going to see you again?" Fiona asked softly so Glenda and Simone wouldn't hear. Adam can end it right here, but he did not. He gave Fiona his number smiling at her.

"Come on Adam. Let's go home." Amelia waved at Fiona.


	7. Breathe

**Chapter 7**

**Breathe (Until Tomorrow)**

…..

Clare was so happy. Alli was coming today. She was probably a little more happy than she should be considering she was Eli's ex, but she didn't care. She had a girl in the house who her age. She hoped they would be best friends. Last night they talked on the phone for a couple of hours. They were both amazed at what the other had been through. She thought Eli would find it weird that the ex and new girlfriend were friends, but it didn't bother him at all.

As she put on a shirt, Eli walked in:

"You ready?" Eli had noticed Clare was moving her sleeves strategically. He took hold of her hand kissing it.

"You don't have to do that. They don't bother me. They are a part of you." He pecked her lips. She folded her lips, nodding. Taking his hand, they waited for Adam downstairs.

…..

Alli was so anxious to get back on the farm. It was like they were all misfits in a different way. Like another rendition of the breakfast club. She was glad she talked to Clare last night. She could tell they were going to get real close. She liked the idea. She couldn't wait to see Amelia's wrinkled smiling face. As she waited for the bus outside her house, she thought of Dave. Sending Clare a quick text, she boarded the bus.

...

Dave was rummaging through his things, he had lost his mother's locket. How could he be so irresponsible? His mother's most prized possession…gone. He felt like a terrible son. He let his mother down again. He promised her, he would be strong. He went the bathroom. He didn't want anyone to see him cry. He wanted to be left alone.

Adam didn't know exactly what was happening. He just thought Dave had another dream. It wasn't a first. Knocking on the door, Dave didn't respond. Deciding he needed space, he, Eli, and Clare left for the station.

…

When Alli got off the bus, she noticed them waiting on her. She beamed as she saw Clare's smiling face along with Adam and Eli's content dispositions. Hugging as if they had known each other since birth, Clare grabbed Alli's hand leading her to the car.

"So Alli, what lie did you have to tell your mother?" Adam teased. She giggled punching Eli in the shoulder.

"Why do girls like to do that?" as he opened his car door.

"What have you been telling them?" Alli laughed.

"Nothing much…..just that you're a problem child." Eli smirked.

"I'm not that bad. I'm just a "free with the wind" kind of girl. Besides, I didn't have to lie because my mom let me. So how is Amelia and…..ummm….Dave."

"Amelia great…..Dave wanted to be left alone." Adam remarked. At that response, Alli turned her head looking out the window.

…..

Amelia was sitting on the outside porch with Pocket and Zipper. As the children drove up, the dogs began to bark.

"Welcome back."Amelia hugged the girl walking up the stairs. "I made breakfast."

"Granny please don't over exert yourself." Clare opened the door for them all. "I didn't dear, I gave Dave a break this morning."

Dave was inside in the bathroom. Why all of a sudden, did he not want to see her? She was too nosy for own good. Something in her eyes told him that she understood. Hearing her voice downstairs wasn't making it easier either.

"Dave come down here. Alli's here." Alli held her head down. She was most likely the last person he wanted to see.

"Hey." He walked down nonchalantly trying to not notice how beautiful she was.

"Hey." She repeated as they all sat at the breakfast. Dave wanted to punch himself. He was being so selfish. It was his turn to make breakfast and he just pushed it to the side. He was forgetting his responsibilities. Alli noticed the play of emotions on his face but didn't say anything.

"So I take it you are going to be staying with us for a while I hope." Amelia smiled. "You can stay with Clare." She ate her pancake.

"No I brought a blanket, I can sleep on the couch." Alli drank her milk.

"No I insist." Clare said. "its not a problem." After breakfast, they all went their separate ways. Milly continue knitting, Adam folded the laundry, Eli looked at the air conditioner, Clare helped Alli unpack, and Dave sat in his tree.

…

"I'm glad you had a safe trip." Clare made room in her closet.

"Me too. I'm glad I came. You are all so nice." Alli placed her pajamas in an empty drawer. "You aren't uncomfortable with me here…are you. I mean I don't want Eli like that.

"I know…..i know." Clare laughed. "You know I have to admit…..at first I thought you going to be snobby, but your not." Alli laughed:

"I thought the same about you. Cute swim suit by the way."

"Thanks. It's the one I wore at my last pageant. My mom would freak if she found out?" Clare said walking in the bathroom to change. Eli and she were going to lake outback.

"Why?" Clare came back sitting on the bed.

"Because she is….who she is. It's like she tries to live her dream through me." Alli sat down beside her.

"But its time to start living your own dream." Alli said.

….

"Ok you can't wear anymore swimsuits." Eli smiled grabbing her hand.

"Why?" Clare looked down at the ground.

"Because I don't want anyone else but me to see how gorgeous you look."

"Thank….you." Eli helped her into the small lake playfully splashing her. Clare then shocked him by kissing him….passionately…..hungrily.

"Hold up." He pushed her back catching his breath.

"Sorry. I just don't know what came over me."

"Clare you don't ever have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong." Walking out of the lake he dried her off with a towel sitting her down.

"So….how do you cover your scars?" He ran his hand through her hair.

"I use concealer and I always convince my mother to let me wear one pieces. It's ironic isn't it. I am being judged on beauty and character and I cant see it myself."

"You will. I'll help you." He began touching her scars once again. This time she didn't stop him. "How did you start?"

"At first it was a mistake. I broke a glass and the shard cut me. Then I began thinking about doing it again when I felt pressured. It helped me concentrate; it was my ritual.

….

Alli volunteered to put the laundry up for Adam as he picked up pecan. Putting the towels up in the bathroom, she headed towards the boys bedroom. On her way there, she noticed the light glared on something gold. Walking up to it, she was memorized by the locket. Opening it, he saw a picture of Dave and his mother. How beautiful.

…

"I started cutting my stomach after my mother and father started arguing. She caught him having an affair with his secretarty. Why can't they get divorced? Its like they don't care see what they are doing to me. Sometimes I just want to run."

"I know the feeling." Clare rested her head on Eli's shoulder. "My parents are more like friends. They care for me but I feel as if they don't care enough….. if that makes sense. They treat me like I'm an adult…which I'm not. I'm pretty sure every teenager wants that but I don't." Clare looked up in his green eyes. Putting his finger under her chin, he kissed her slowly. She moaned as his tongue slid in her mouth. Cupping her face, he layed her down kissing her scars.

…..

Running outside she spotted Dave in the tree. His mind seem preoccupied so she climbed the tree. The tap on his shoulder caught his attention, he thought it was Adam. Alli was a surprise.

"This belongs to you." She handed him the locket.

"Where did you find it?" He smiled.

"In the hallway." Dave scooted over to let her seat.

"Thank you." He said shyly. "I'm….sorry…by the way for the other day. I was….."

"You don't have to say anything. I know what it's like to loose people you love. You are not alone." She touched his shoulder.

"It's good to know that." He touched her hand. They both looked out to the hills. Dave realized Alli wasn't that bad after all.

….

Eli smiled. The sight before him was breathtaking. Clare was closing her eyes, enjoying the attention he gave her. Out of nowhere images of her mother popped into her head. What would she do if she saw Eli? What would she think of him? What would she think of her? Pushing him back, Eli was taken aback. Why did she stop him? Did he take it too far?

"I can't Eli. I can't. Shes too strong and I'm too weak. She's in my head and I can't get her out." Clare got up walking away regretting it instantly. Eli's lips were so soft but all she could hear was her mother's voice. It was not like Eli and her were going to last. He would come to his senses.

No….she couldn't do this to him. Not now. Not when she was so close to him like this. Walking up to her, he said:

"Fine have it your way."


	8. Brick By Boring Brick

**Chapter 8**

**Brick By Boring Brick**

…..

One step forward, two steps backwards. He was not going to give up on her but he didn't know what else to do. So he did nothing. Why is the one you really want so hard to attain? Why was Clare so difficult…she probably has been through so much she doesn't even know the reason behind her actions. Laying on the grass, the blue sky reminded him of Clare's eyes. He had never seen anyone so innocent before. That's what attracted him to her when he first saw her. Her voice was so angelic, even when she argued with him, he still loved her voice. Her taste lingered his lips. He wondered if she thought of him too.

….

"You have a package." Adam told her walking by as she walked inside. It was from her mother. Like she didn't have enough on her mind. She just ran away from the best feeling she ever experienced. The rush was better than winning any completion. She opened it hesitantly.

"No it's not Adam. That's mine." Amelia knew her daughter in law's package would send Clare over the edge. She noticed how Clare's hands would shake when her name was mentioned. Taking the box out of the girl's hand, she handed it to Adam. Taking the hint, he proceeded to take it to the attic.

Clare knew her grandmother was lying to her. Following Adam outside, she blocked his way.

"Let me see it." She said with determination.

"Clare it's not for you, I thought it was." Adam said. He knew Clare wouldn't back down without a fight.

"You're a bad liar." She said. "I have the right to know….please."

"I can't. I don't want you to regret this. It will be like Pandora's Box. You can't go back once it's opened. Why do you want to put yourself through that torture?"

"She's my mother."

"And…..it doesn't matter. She doesn't try to understand you. Your dad doesn't even pay any attention to you."

"They're my mom and dad. They are the only ones I will ever have."

"But they're not your family. We are. If you want the box…here take it." Adam dropped it.

…

"I wonder what's going on down there?" Alli said. Her and Dave were still sitting in the tree.

"Aren't we nosy?" Dave teased admiring her curiosity.

"No seriously. Maybe I should go down and check upon her." Alli was heading down.

"No." Dave reached for her hand pulling her back up. Alli looked down biting her lip.

"Me and her are in the same boat. We both need to deal with our issues. We have to face them head-on."

"You're right but there is nothing wrong with help." Alli said. He only nodded looking away.

…..

"I can't believe you let her run away." Adam laid by Eli at the lake. He noticed so many emotions on Eli's face…..hurt….confusion…..compassion. He wished he knew what to tell his best friend. Instead he just sat there being silent. Hopefully his presence was good enough for the moment.

….

Sitting on the porch, she opened the box. Adam was right, this was Pandora's box. Luckily it wasn't the unexpected: diet books, pageant documentaries, written speeches, and dance videos. She was so angry. Angry at her mother's expectations for her…..angry at her father's lack of care….angry that she could not allow herself to be with Eli fully….angry that she could not be happy. Dumping all the contents on the ground, she went to the garage grabbing a baseball bat.

Raising it over her head, she began hitting the tapes. She was hitting….. her mother…. her father…. herself. All of her fury released itself. She didn't know she was screaming until she was hoarse. Dropping to the ground, she started to cry seeing the damage she had done. Her mother would hate her for this.

…

"I hate her." Eli finally said.

"Run that by me again." Adam said.

"I hate her…..I hate how one girl could make me feel like this….happy and sad at the same time." He was remembering their kiss. He took everything she gave him. Her scent….the way she touched him…..the way he touched her…..he missed her…..and she wasn't far away from him. How can you be close to someone yet far away?

…

Adam was thinking about Fiona. She wasn't interested. No phone call yet. He knew it was too good to be true. He had to finally come to grips with the fact that he will never be with anyone. Everyone else had it easy to be with the person of their choice and parade them around for others to see. He was like the bearded women in the circus. Her outside stopped others for seeing the beauty within her.

He couldn't blame Fiona though. He was the local outcast. Why would she ruin her reputation for him? What made him so special?

Closing his eyes, he imagined he were in a world where things could be easier. A world where his parents told him they loved him…..a world where Fiona would be his friend.

He was grateful he had good friends too. They accepted him with open arms. Why did they not judge him like everyone else? Why do they laugh at his corny jokes or talk to him. Did they feel obligated? No. They were just nice. After reviving from his reverie, he and Eli walked back to the house.

…..

Clare decided to get supper going. It was something simple tonight…fried chicken and macaroni. Grabbing the knife to cut the plastic off, it slipped cutting her hand. She looked at the metallic blade with blood stains.

Eli noticed the look in her eye when the blade slip. It was like she was in a trance. Like she was watching the world slip from her grip. Grabbing a paper towel, he pushed it on her wound. Adam washed the knife, hid it and finished the food. Upset with one another, they said nothing as Eli cleaned the cut with alcohol, putting a band-aid on it. He took longer than he should have. He wanted to feel her soft skin again.

Clare was enjoying his sensation too. That cut brought back so many memories. The pain almost felt good to her. This was something she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life. She was glad Eli was with her once again but it would not last long.

"Thank you." She said.

"You welcome." Eli walked away.

…..

"So where did a girl like you learn to climb trees?" Dave asked opening the door for her.

"My brother." She put her head in a ponytail.

"Are you two close?" Dave set the table.

"We were….he and my father died about two years ago." She placed the glasses down.

"O I'm sorry…I didn't know….you are so happy –go-lucky….I would have never thought that."

"It's ok Dave. I've learned to live with it. I'm ok now."

"I want to be like that. I promised that to my mother. When I lost her locket, I couldn't stop blaming myself."

"It was an accident. Everyone loses stuff." She smiled.

"But that's irreplaceable. That's why I didn't come…ummmm…..with the others…..to get you this morning."

"That didn't really matter. I'm here now." She smiled.

"I know this is going to sound random but is your real name Ali?" Dave asked. Adam was ease dropping. Was that his attempt at flirting? Adam laughed to himself

"No….it's Alliah. David I presume?" She asked.

"That's real cute." Adam said as he helped seat Amelia.


	9. Hallelujah

**Chapter 9**

**Hallelujah **

…

There was an awkwardness in the air. The whole house could feel it and it revolved around…..of course… Eli and Clare.

...

"I really messed up, Alli." Clare washed her face getting ready for bed.

"There is always tomorrow, remember. You have to take it one day at a time." Alli said.

"But I can't keep using my past as an excuse." She put her pajamas on.

"You're right but you are getting better. Me and Dave saw that little display of wrath today." Clare blushed.

"Yeah about that. Something just came over me." Clare said. "Where were you two anyways?" It was now Alli's turn to blush:

"We were in the tree….enough about me…..you have to learn to deal with your emotions….I know I just came here, but I can tell Amelia really loves you…she really wants to help, but doesn't know how."

"I kind of got mad at her today." Clare admitted. "Because she tried to keep me from seeing my mother's package."

"That's understandable." Alli brushed her hair.

"Now I see it…../i see where Dave is coming from now though. Everyone is trying to protect me. I need to start protecting myself."

"You're right…..you are also going to have to handle your emotions with Eli. I know it's not simple but you can't keep avoiding him. I mean…you two live in the same house." Clare nodded hugging Alli.

"Thanks."

….

Eli was looking at the moon through his window. He woke up in the middle of the night. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't get away from Clare. She haunted his dreams. Her pale face that showed every emotion…every desire she had. He had to see her again.

Walking to her room, he cracked the door to view her face. Quietly walking in, he touched her face lightly.

"Eli." She said softly. He smirked, she was dreaming about him. He wanted to crawl in the bed with her but he had to control himself. This was going to have to be enough for him now. Going back to his room, he rested his head on the pillow. How can he get her to see herself? How could he get her to love herself?

…

Dave couldn't sleep either. Not because of a nightmare but because of something else. He didn't know what it was? He was restless. All he could do was look at the ceiling and listen to Adam's light snoring. Eli had probably gone to check up on Clare. How can a couple get into an argument in less than a day?

Walking down stairs to get something to drink, he glanced at Alli sleeping on the couch. He would be a fool if he said he wasn't attracted to her. He couldn't help it. Her persistence and curiosity…he was fund of. He liked the way her eyes shined when she were around him…..maybe it was his wishful thinking. Drinking his milk, he walked back upstairs.

…

Alli was not sleep. She felt his presence as he walked down the stairs. She knew it was Dave. Why did she feel like this around him? At first she thought she was mistaking sympathy for affection, but that was not the case. With him, nothing was forced. It fell into place. How? Eli and her's relationship was unlike her friendship….she guessed they were friends…...with Dave. They never ran out of anything to talk about, plus she constantly thought about him. She also felt as if Dave trusted her with his secrets…..she had hoped.

…

Clare cried. All her feelings were overwhelming. Nightmares plus her separation from Eli was burning through her. It was like Eli was in her veins and she couldn't get him out. But she had too. She refused to be hurt. Everyone who was supposed to love her did not. Her mother only brought up her short comings. Her father never praised her. That why she had worked so hard to win. If she won more, she could be seen as Darcy, but that was not the case. She only won their disappointed. If she had gotten close to Eli, he would be disappointed in her too.

…..

Adam woke up in the middle of the night with one thing on his mind, Fiona. He had just met her, why can't he get her out of his head. Sitting up, he noticed Eli and Dave were tossing and turning, no one but Amelia was getting a good night sleep. Emotions are tricky. He wished he thought more with his mind, rather than the heart. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are destined for loneliness, it always shows you the opposite.

…

Fiona was sitting outside her window on the roof. The dark sky was covered in stars. The sight was so bright….so immaculate. She wanted to call Adam but she scared he would judge her. He would soon find out the real her. People only saw her as stuck-up. They refused to believe that she was shy and timid. She didn't know what to say, so she never said a word. She would always open her mouth, but words never formed.

Being around Adam was refreshing. It was like they were two kids in kindergarten. Both not knowing one another, but playing together and becoming the best of friends. She missed him. Why did she keep thinking of her as a him…..uggghhhhhhh…it was to frustrating.

Her Grand-aunt warned her to stay away from him. He was crazy, but….she was crazy too. All she wanted was to have a friend. Why did Adam have to be so different?

….

Clare looked at Eli as he began fixing closet door handle. He noticed but ignored her. She would have to come to him….on her time….when she was ready. It was a rainy day but errands had to be done. When he was done, he went upstairs to see if he could do repairs upstairs.

He had to stay away from Clare. The more he was around her, the less he was able to keep control himself. When she would turn her back to wash dishes, he would stare at her body. He felt guilty for thinking such thoughts of her but he couldn't help himself.

_He imagined walking over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist from behind and kissing her neck. He imagined her moan his name as he left love bites here and there. _

"Eli you're drooling." Adam said as he sat down to write the monthly checks for Amelia. She kept telling him to do it, but he was a procrastinator to the fullest. He would have to go to the store and pay it because he forgot to mail them. Amelia gave him one her responsibility talks.

…..

Alli was getting Amelia's raincoat from the closet as her bracelet fell into a box. Putting the raincoat on the table, she walked back to get her bracelet from the box. She bit her lip. Why did she always have the unfortunate luck of finding Dave's things. Putting her bracelet back on, she looked through his pictures. He looked so happy with his mother. She was a pretty woman who had welcoming eyes…..eyes like Dave… that showed how much he cared.

…..

After 10 minutes, Eli finally convinced Amelia to stay at home since the weather was bad. According to the broadcast, it was going to be bad all day. That is why he and Adam were going to make hurry up so they could get back safely.

….

"What are you doing?" Dave came inside the house after checking on the horses and brings the dogs inside?

"I….I'm sorry. I dropped my bracelet….."Alli mumbled.

"You're rambling….why are you always getting into someone's business?" Dave snatched the pictures from her hand. He looked at his mother and tears formed in his eyes. He cried the tears he couldn't cry when the doctor said she had died. He cried all the times he refused to cry so he would not be weak.

Alli watched him, tears forming in her eyes too. Grabbing his wrist, she led him upstairs to his room. Wiping his tears away, she took the pictures from his hand.

"Dave, its ok to cry. From time to time, I cry. Sometimes life becomes some complicated and confusing. You want so bad for them to come back but they don't. But you learn to live and cope."

"I don't want to forget her Alli." he rested his head on her shoulder.

"You won't. She will be there with you to guide you." Alli pointed to his heart. Sitting up, Dave looked at Alli in her eyes…she missed him being close. He traced her face.

"You're right." He kissed her cheek.

…..

Clare laid in her bed looking at the knife she snuck away. It taunted her, tantalized her. It needed to be used. It wanted to help her forget. Hearing the knock on the door, she hid it underneath her pillow.

"How are you doing Lovely?" He granny kissed her forehead.

"I could be better." Clare helped her sit on the bed.

"I know your parents can be unbearable. My son has made mistakes with his life Clare….those mistakes have affected you and your mother as well, but you have to find happiness. You can't keep harming yourself. The pain is still there dear. You have to face it. I love you. We all love you. You have to love yourself. I'll leave you alone now sweetie."

As she left she waited 5 more minutes, then pulled out the blade again. Temptation was a beast…the more you fed it….the hungrier it got.

…

"I am so glad you two made it." Amelia said knitting.

"You two need to get dry." She said.

"We are on it." The two boys separated. Eli checked on Clare. Opening her door, he saw her sitting on the floor, crying. Forgetting about his ego, he sat down next to her. He looked at the knife with her.

"I know it looks amusing to you at the time, but you have worked too hard to become stronger to give in again. Not only will you be hurting yourself but others around you.

"Then I am like my father then, selfish….giving in to my desires." She cried.

"No those are for different reasons, Clare. Look at me…..Look at me." He turned her head to look in her eyes.

"I want you happy Clare. If you're unhappy then I am because I like you a lot. I care for you." Eli kissed her sweetly.

"Sometimes I feel so weak Eli." Clare said holding herself. Nearly jumping when she felt him rub her arms, she relaxed:

"I need you here to help me." Clare said.

"I need you here too, so I'm not going anywhere."Eli said kissing her once more. Once he removed the knife from her hand, the lights went off.

"O crap." They laughed.


	10. Adore

**Chapter 10**

**Adore**

…..

Eli was holding his angel in his arms….back where she belonged… on the bed. He thanked the heavens the lights went off. It made the atmosphere perfect. As he reached for her, she did not hesitate. She ran to him. He sensed her urgency to be held. He looked down on her face. Her pink lips puckered up when she slept. It was as if her body recognized him. Kissing her forehead, he took a quick nap too.

…..

Though the lights were off, Dave could see every feature of Alli. He had to separate himself from her. He couldn't afford to get close to someone like this. He didn't think his heart was strong enough, yet he wanted to…so badly.

Alli was still. It was rainy days like these, she thought of Sav and her father. Their plane had crashed in thunderstorm. Taking a deep breath, she tried to relax.

Dave noticed her sudden change of behavior. He didn't know what to do so he grabbed her hand:

"Are you ok?" Dave asked.

"Yeah." Alli squeezed his hand lightly. "They died…..in a….thunderstorm like this." Alli began to cry. Dave wiped her tears like she did him. It was his turn to show her compassion.

…..

"You have been down lately, Adam." Amelia said turning on her lantern to continue knitting.

"Yeah." Adam shrugged tapping his foot. He kind of felt uncomfortable talking about girls with the older woman.

"Could it be the lovely Fiona?" She smiled.

"…..I guess so." He lay down on the couch.

"Give her time dear."

"There is no time Milly. I mean I'm a freak. Why would anyone want to be my friend?"

"I don't ever want to hear you say that Adam. You are so loving and gentle."

"The locals don't think so, my parents don't think so. They hate me." Adam cried.

"Adam they do not understand. People can be like this at times….but…I did not get that from Fiona. She enjoyed being around you. Perhaps she is dealing with issues herself.

….

Clare had goose bumps on her arms. Eli was the reason for this. The reason for her smile. She ran her fingers through his hair. She laughed softly at his soft snore. His eyes opened softly.

"Enjoying your view." He kissed her hand. Clare nodded.

"I'm not used to feeling this good Eli…about anything." Clare rubbed his arm. He let her continue.

"When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything. I don't have to be something I'm not. The way you look at me makes me feel important….special."

"That's because you are Clare." He kissed her forehead,

'You are. Don't let anyone else tell you differently. You have so much fight in you. Even when you want to give up….your hope and faith never lets you give up…I won't either.

"That's why I like you Eli. You are so unique. I have never met a guy who is understanding and patient like you. I would have never thought you would be like this."

"Well I am like this….only for you. And… you are only for me." Clare's heart was starting to race again as he laid her down getting on top of her. He kissed her slowly. He didn't want to scare her but he was the more he kissed her, the more he lossed himself.

Clare didn't want Eli to stop. So many years without affection made this harder for her too. She could never get used to the way he tasted. She could never get used to him to biting her lips and sucking her tongue.

Both gasped for air. That was the most amazing kiss they had experienced. They wanted more. Tucking her hair behind her ear, he kissed her cheek….nose…and lips. Eli had to rub her arms to calm her down. She was getting nervous. He smiled to himself…liking the fact that he had this affect on her. Continuing, he lowered his head to her neck kissing it gently.

Clare closed her eyes. She had never felt this good before.

…..

Laying on the bed facing each other, Dave held her hand giving her what she needed.

"Thank you." Alli whispered.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad I was able to help you for once." Dave laughed tracing her face. Alli couldn't stop looking at his eyes. They were so deep….so warm.

Dave didn't realize what he was doing. His body took over. He had to stop himself.

"I'm sorry….ummmmm…so what were they like?"

"They were….odd." Alli smiled."At least to me, but I loved them both so much. Sav was goofy and silly. He loved to laugh. My dad was kind of strict though. That's why I kind of rebelled a little bit…but they were my family."

"I see where you get your bubbly personality from." Dave said. Alli smiled tracing his face. She really wanted to kiss him. She could taste it but she would wait. Dave grabbed her hand looking at her small fingers.

"My mom suffered with drugs all her life. I practically had to raise myself. I loved her though. She was my everything. I wish I could have saved her. When she got clean, she had the brightest smile. She began to look at life differently." Dave smiled yawning.

"You're sleepy too?" Alli asked.

"Yeah…ummm…I would sleep better…if you were in my arms." Dave said shyly. Smiling, Alli moved over to him resting her head on his chest while he wrapped his arms around her.

…..

Eli was enjoying himself with his Clare. He didn't want to leave any love bites behind because Amelia would freak but he still showed her enough of himself. He smiled as she moaned his name. He would never let her go. At this moment, he knew he loved her.


	11. Miracle

**Chapter 11**

**Miracle**

…**.**

_Two bodies moving together under the moon and stars. Her screams of pleasure were addicting. Hands and mouths were getting used to eachother's bodies. He took his time showing her how much loved her. She moaned as he quickened his pace. He knew her body…..every inch. Ecstasy…love….passion._

Eli woke up in the middle of the night, sweat on his forehead. He had never had a dream feel so real to him before. It was as if he was there….. making her his finally. He hadn't been with many girls, but Clare called to him like no other girl. Him and Alli never had sex, he was old fashioned he believed that sex was for someone you truly cared for. He knew for sure Clare was a virgin…he liked that. Closing his eyes, he couldn't wait to see her this morning.

…

Fiona was looking at her phone. She wanted to call Adam. Why couldn't she? Why did have to think about what others said. Can't she make up her own mind? Can't she be happy and have one friend. She wasn't going to stop herself again. Picking up the phone, she called Adam.

….

Eli and Adam decided to take Amelia to the doctor's office. She was suffering with a cough. She told them to let Clare sleep, since she was going through so much. Eli shook his head, It was amazing how Amelia always thought of everyone else.

Before they left, Eli went to Clare's room. He loved looking at her sleep. She was his angel…his beautiful angel.

"I love you Eli." She whispered in her sleep. Eli's heart stopped. She finally said it. It was not his imagination. The three words finally came out.

"I love you too Clare." He kissed her soft pink lips, leaving her behind.

…

Clare woke up touching her lips. She had dreamed she told Eli she loved him. In return he kissed her. If only dreams became reality. She did love Eli but she didn't want to scare him away by telling him.

Was it really love she was feeling? She had never felt like this before…like she could touch the clouds. Being around Eli made everything better. He was opening her heart in more ways than one.

…..

Dave had the best sleep he had had in ages. He was finally starting to move on. Everything was going good. A smile grazed upon his face as he thought of Alli. How could he ever repay her? How could he ever repay them all? Walking over to the refrigerator, he began breakfast.

….

"I see you and Dave are getting closer." Clare examined. Alli blushed, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"We are just friends. We…..get….each other." She bit her lip.

"I can see that….you two do vibe…but I can also see that he is caring and sweet." Clare started cleaning her room.

"He is. I've never met anyone like him before." Alli began helping Clare.

"Let's not forget how cute he is." Clare teased. Alli really blushed.

"Ok….ok…..I do like him, but friends is all we can be right now." Alli said.

…

Adam wanted to jump up with joy when Fiona called him. Though he could not answer it because he was in the doctor's office. He sent her a text explaining. This was the best day of his life.

…..

After they ate breakfast, Clare decided to watch tv. Dave grabbed Alli's wrist before she walked off:

"I want to show you something." Dave said.

"Ok." Alli held his hand as they walked outside to the stables. Dave was surprised when she slipped her hand in his, but he did not let it go. Taking Angel out of the stable, Alli looked at it with awe.

"Wow, he's beautiful." Alli walked up to the white horse. Frightened by her fast movement, the horse began to back up.

"Easy Angel." He grabbed his rein. Alli shrugged. Maybe she wasn't an animal person. Dave smiled grabbing her hand in his palm.

"It's ok. Like this." He brought her hand up to the horse's face showing her the movement. Alli laughed turning her face to look at him. She had this look in her eye. He couldn't describe it. He tilted her chin up staring in her eyes.

"Ummmmmmmmmm…I just wanted to repay you back for everything you did." He got mad at himself for not kissing her. Hoisting her and himself up on the horse, they went for a walk. Alli put her arms around his waist and rested her chin on the crook of his neck.

…

"Do not worry about your grandmother." The doctor reassured the boys. "It is just a minor cold. I am prescribing some antibiotics. She should be good in no time."

Eli and Adam were so happy. Riding in the car, they headed to the pharmacist. Amelia began to knit.

"Guys, please don't tell Lovely, ok." She said.

"But why? She cares for you." Eli said.

"Because she needs to take care of herself. I don't want her to feel as if she is about to lose another parent. From time to time I notice she gets the urge to harm herself. I don't want that to happen."

"….ok we won't tell her." Adam and Eli said.

"If something does happen to me. I want you guys to promise me that you will look after one another, like a family."

"Milly stop talking like that." Adam stated. He knew death was inevitable but it hurt just think about life without her.

….

After getting the prescription, he read the directions. Turning around…not looking up….he bumped into someone.

"We have really got to stop making a habit out of this." Fiona smiled, picking up the Aleve.

"For Amelia I guess?" Fiona smiled.

"Yeah….Glenda?" He pointed to her pills.

"No. I've been suffering mild headaches." Fiona said as Adam frowned.

"I hope you feel better." He hugged her.

"Me too. Call me later?" She asked.

"Sure" He said.

….

Alli knew Dave was into her, but she wanted find a way to open him up. They had all been cooped up in the house. They needed fun. They needed to get their mind off of their worries. The perfect idea came to her… a party. She smiled to herself.

"What are you so giddy about?" Clare finished sweeping the kitchen.

"You…me… Dave…Eli…Adam…party tonight." Alli smiled.

"No way." Clare said.

"Come on. It will be fun. I know this club in town for us called "Above the Dot." It will be fun. You have to fun Clare." She knew Alli was right.

"I don't have anything to wear." Clare finally said.

"Leave it up to me." Alli laughed giddily. What would she do without her new best friend?

…..

Adam helped Amelia up the stairs. Eli rushed to put the pills in the medicine cabinet so Clare wouldn't see him. Luckily she didn't.

"Hey you." She put her arms around his waist.

"Hey." He kissed her taking her outside to the tire swing pushing her.

"I missed you." She said.

"I missed you too, Clare." He stopped the swing, kissing her once again. Someway she found herself out of the tire without breaking the kiss. He straddled her across his lap. Getting caught up, he lifted her shirt up to feel her skin.

"God, do you know how much I love you?" he said.

"…..I love you too Eli." Clare slid his tongue in her mouth. Good thing Milly was watching her stories because she would have broken them up.

"I know." Eli smirked. You talk in your sleep Clare Edward." Clare blushed. How embarrassing?


	12. Miracle part 2

**Chapter 11 **

**Miracle **

**Part 2 **

…

Alli was doing Clare's make-up. Nothing fancy….just blue eye shadow, mascara, and gloss to highlight her features. She was beaming. She wasn't a party animal but she loved to have fun. Adam said he would stay and watch over Amelia.

"I think Adam's going to see Fiona." Clare said.

"Why do you say that?" Alli added curls to her own hair.

"We all know he is a bad liar. Whenever he tells a fib, he looks to the ground." Clare stated trying on the golden tub top Alli gave her. She then put on some her pearl necklace.

"Yeah. I just hope he's not running away from anybody." Alli put on eyeliner and mascara.

"I'm just ready to dance." Alli laughed as she put on her pink halter dress and heels.

…

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Eli asked putting on his black vest.

"For the millionth time…yes….I'm…ummm…..going to watch over Milly." Adam slumped on his air mattress.

"Really?" Dave put on a red Polo shirt. "You wouldn't be lying would you?" Dave rolled his eyes knowing his friend.

"Spill." Eli said.

"Ok. You guys have forced me." Eli and Dave listened. "Me and Fiona are going to hang out. I'm going to take her on a horse ride."

"Adam….are you taking one of my ideas?" Dave laughed.

….

As they waited in the line, Alli noticed how gorgeous and happy Clare looked. She was so happy her friend was finally smiling. There was a slight chill in the air, making her shiver somewhat. Dave noticing, he began to rub her arms since he didn't have a jacket.

Looking down at her, he smiled:

"I hope this helps." He said shyly.

"It does." She smiled looking at him as a girl got her attention.

"Anya…hey…long time no see." She hugged her.

"I see you have a friend." Anya teased.

"This is Dave…Dave ….Anya." Anya shook his hand.

"How's Eli?"

"He's good..he's the same dark and dreary….you look at peace Anya." Anya nodded. Tears could be seen in her eyes.

"I am…I do miss Sav though, but I know he would want me to be happy."

"He would….he loved you so much. I'll see you later." Alli hugged her as Anya walked off. Removing his hands from her arm, Dave wrapped them around her waist. Alli's heart skipped.

"…..ummmm….you're cold." He said. He changed the subject.

"She seems nice." Dave whispered in her ear.

"Yeah she is. Sav really loved her. He gave up everything for her too. She was 3 months pregnant when he died. When she found out….she lost the baby…3 weeks later. Mom and Dad didn't know" Alli mourned for her nephew.

"Hey….it's ok…..it's ok." Dave kissed her forehead not realizing his actions.

…..

Adam was so excited to pick up Fiona….even if it was secretly. Taking Diablo, he took his time down the winding road. She lived only 15 minutes away.

When Aunt Glenda went to sleep, she snuck out the door. She felt so liberated; she was doing what she wanted to do for once. She was going to grab her happiness at all costs. This was going to be their night.

…...

"Let's go to the balcony." Eli led her as they finally got in. He wasn't really a fan of clubs. They were too noisy, but he enjoyed seeing Clare smile. This was good idea getting her out of the house for a couple of hours.

"What are you thinking about?" Clare asked as he seated her on the stool.

"…About how happy you look right now…so serene." He kissed her.

"I'm always happy when I'm with you. You've made my life…so complete…so wonderful. Every day I wake up looking forward to a new day with you." She smiled.

"That's what I want…but I also want you to be happy on your own. Sometimes…life happens…if anything happens to the people you love…I just want you to be able to live on." Eli spoke thinking of Amelia.

"I will." She nodded hugging Eli. Where did that last statement come from? It was as if he knew something he was not telling her. What was he hiding?

…

"So do you always take girls for rides on horses?" Fiona asked holding his waist.

"No…..lucky you…you're the first one." He flirted back. The night sky was so beautiful. He loved being out in the country rather than the city for this main reason. Fiona was looking too. She couldn't have asked a better person to spend the night with than with Adam.

Ever since Declan had moved away, she was so sad. She was always moving around with her family, so she never got the chance have a stable background. He was her best friend. She never learned how to be around others…..to trust others. What made her trust Adam?

The way he carried himself. He always treated Amelia with great care. Though she had never really seen him before. She heard rumors about him. Many varied but they all had one thing in common: he loved his "grandmother." He had strength beyond words.

To be shown hate, but still turn the other cheek as if nothing happened. To show love to others who were not willing to accept it, but you still lived. Adam still lived. He still smiled.

Fiona smiled as she breathed in the scent of his jacket. Soon he stopped, helping her get off the horse. Sitting by lake, the two looked at the moon's reflection in the water.

…..

Dave watched as Alli's hips swayed to the beat. With Usher playing, how could you not move? Alli was smiling at the attention Dave was giving her. He had this look in his eye she had never seen before. Finally, he was letting his guard down. Grabbing his hand, Ali whispered in his ear:

"Dance with me." Dave got behind her moving his body with hers. Putting his hands on her waist, Alli turned around to face him. He really wanted to kiss her but he couldn't. He was too scared.

"I can't Alli. Please forgive me." He stopped dancing, walking outside to Eli's hearse. Alli was not going to let this happen again. She knew what he was running away from. The same thing she ran away from. Now that it was in her grasp, she wasn't going to let him go. Following him outside, he turned around:

"Why are you so damn persistent?" He yelled at her.

"Because I like you and I know you like me. Why are you stopping yourself from getting closer to me? Don't you know how much I care for you? I would never hurt you." Dave closed his eyes shaking his head.

"Yeah… now. What about later. Give up…move on."

"I can't do that Dave and you know it. Just like you can't stay away from me either." Alli cupped his face.

"I don't want to get attached to anyone, I don't want to be hurt…but I can't stay away from you…..I can't…..I've tried….but I can't Alli. Why do you make me feel like this?" He looked into her eyes. Alli was just listening to him. She didn't know he felt so passionately about her.

"You make me feel like that too Dave. Do you know how many times I've tried to make logic of how short it took me to fall for you?" She looked at him. Before she could get the sentence out completely, he grabbed her kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Pushing her against the wall of building, his hand made patterns in her back as she lifted her arms around his neck pulling him closer. Alli didn't want the kiss to end.

Alli didn't think a kiss could feel like this…..so soft….so hot. Pulling away for air, they both smiled. Dave rubbed her cheeks.

…..

"No wonder you are always at peace. There is something about this farm that brings joy to people."Fiona laid down on the grass as did Adam.

"It's Amelia. She is this farm." Adam said staring at Fiona in the moonlight.

"There have been so many times I have stared at the moon and wished I was someone else." She turned her face to look at him.

"I know the feeling. " Adam said looking at her.

…

Clare looked at the night sky while she was being held by Eli. No words were said because no words were needed. This was paradise.


	13. When It Rains

**Chapter 12**

**When it Rains**

…**.**

As Amelia was folding the towels, her fingers began hurting with Arthritis, but she was still happy to be alive. She had no complaints. Pocket and Zipper began barking.

"I must have a visitor." She walked slowly to the door, looking through the peephole. To her surprise, it was her daughter-in-law walking up the porch. What did she want….to cause more havoc in Lovely's life. She wanted to ignore the doorbell but she couldn't. Joyce was Clare's mother. She could try to protect her as much as she could, but this was Clare's fight ultimately.

"O dear God." She prayed preparing herself. The minute she opened the door, all hell broke loose.

"Where is she, Amelia…don't lie to me." Joyce said sternly her eyes darkening.

"A hello would be nice for once." Amelia stated obviously not happy to see her.

"Can you wait a while, she and the children are sleeping. They went out….." She tried offering her some coffee.

"You still insist on taking in strays. When will you ever learn?" Joyce shook her head.

"They are children in need…maybe if I had taken you in, you would have turned out nicer." Amelia folded her arms.

"Get off of your pedestal Amelia…..George didn't turn out so great himself." Joyce was searching for the package she sent Clare.

"He was good…until he met you. You are poison." Amelia said.

"He married me. I can't believe she went out….what discipline do you have?" Joyce resisted the cup walking upstairs calling Clare.

….

No it wasn't a dream. That was her mother's voice she had heard. Jumping out of the bed she wanted to hide in the closet….but she didn't have time. The minute she was about to, her mother opened the door.

….

Eli, Dave, and Adam heard the commotion from the other room. Joyce had the talent of making everyone miserable in her path. Eli hoped Clare was going to be alright. He wished there was something he do. But for now, he had to watch and hope Clare could take care of herself.

Alli was brushing her teeth in the bathroom as she heard the woman walk up the stairs. So this was Clare's mother. Nothing was nurturing of the woman. She was tense and she held mouth so tightly.

…

Walking up to her, Joyce pulled her out of the bed dropping her on the floor. Clare was frightened; she didn't know her mother had such strength.

"Have you lost your mind?" Joyce stood over her with a look of disapproval.

"No phone call…do you not know that this crunch time….while you were partying….you should have been practicing."

"Mom…you know I don't have a good signal her." Clare lied but she didn't want to make to make her mother any madder. She didn't want to get struck again.

"Bullshit…listen Clare…I am your mother and you will respect me. Keep this up…and I will take you home. Did you get the package I sent you?"

"…Yes, I threw it away." Clare said cowardly as a bruise appeared on her arm.

"How? Do you know how hard me and your dad worked to get you to where you are now. You spoiled, ungrateful brat. Darcy leaving for Africa was the worst thing to ever happen. The wrong daughter went."

…

Eli was litening on the other side of the door. He couldn't let anyone mistreat Clare…even if it was her mother. He had so much rage inside of him. How could someone talk to another human being like an animal….especially his Clare? Walking inside he stood over her helping her get up.

"Leave now." He said his face with determination standing in front of Clare.

"Who the hell are you? How dare you tell me how to treat my child?" She moved in his face. Now he saw where Clare inherited her violent ways.

"So this is who has been preoccupying your time Clare, if you want to find success in your life, you must put pety things aside." She tried to pull her daughter away from Eli.

"I've never hit a woman before, but if you hit her or hurt her again. I will do everything in my power too…"

"No…stop both of you….please." Clare said. She didn't want this. As much as she loved her mother, she hated her. She closed her eyes putting her hands over her ears crying hysterically.

Alli, Dave, and Adam didn't know what to do. This scene was a train wreck…a tsunami. Trying to make the situation better, Alli said:

"Please can we go downstairs and talk about this in a calm manner?"

"Listen little girl….stay in your place." Joyce chastised her.

"Don't ever talk to her like that again." Dave said to Joyce. "Please leave."

"I'll be back later Clare. Remember you can't run away from me." Adam escorted her gladly.

…..

"Clare…she's gone now. She can't hurt you." Eli ran to her side.

"Go." Clare screamed. "Everyone get out." She screamed. Eli was hurt, but this wasn't about him. It was about Clare. After everyone left, she closed her door putting a chair underneath the door handle.

She tried to breathe but the silence was suffocating her. She was dying and nothing could save her except…"her security blanket." Retrieving her knife under the pillow, she raised her arm. She deserved this release….this rush….what she just experienced who didn't. Why would she punish herself by not doing it?

Closing her eyes, she ran the knife up and her arm piercing her skin….she could finally relax now as she watched the blood ooze on her skin. Feeling light-headed she placed her body on the floor smiling as she closed her eyes.

…..

Eli was worried about Clare, but he didn't want to smother her. Clare always told him about her mother, but to see it in action was something different. No wonder why she ran away. If that was how her mother was toward him. He could feel the isolation Clare felt around her father.

Walking up to her room, he tried to open it.

"Crap." He pushed harder opening it finding her on the floor.

"No Clare….baby." He ran pulling her into his arms. He knew he shouldn't have left her alone. How could he be so stupid? She wasn't ready. He should have stopped her mother quicker. She was going to pay for putting his Clare through hell.

"Eli….it feels to good….please don't stop me." She said with daze. This was going to take every fiber in his body, but he was going to save her from herself.


	14. When It Rains part 2

**Chapter 13**

**When It Rains**

**Part 2**

…**..**

Eli continued holding her fragile body in his arms. What beauty she possessed…but her heart was so dark. He should have known his love itself could not save her.

As she slowly awakened, Clare smiled as if nothing had happened. Her eyes were different though….they no longer held their sparkle. It was as if she were existing rather than living.

Eli sat her on the bed examining her wound. She showed no emotion as he nursed her:

"It makes the pain go away." Clare said quietly.

"This isn't the right way Clare. You have to fight this." He returned with gauze pads and alcohol.

"It's not that simple….I've never had to fight for anything before." She flinched from the sting.

…

Joyce always brought negativity into the house, leaving it behind. None of them could concentrate. She was trying to make pecan pie but Lovely's state of mind was a whirlwind. She was used to being the strong matriarch, but she was getting older. She began to tire. She could talk to Clare as much as she wanted too, but sometimes her attempts were futile. She could only hope Eli could help.

That is why she liked him. Eli was like Earl in so many ways. He was loyal, rough around the edges, and he gave his all to those he cared about.

Adam walked over to help her. Eyeing him:

"I'm surprised you are awake. You and Fiona stayed up quite some time." Adam blushed.

"We didn't do anything…just talked….how did you know?" He asked.

"Glenda called me early this morning…saying that Fiona went missing and asked me have I heard from any of the neighbors….I told her no. You can pay me back by finishing the pie." She kissed him on the cheek sitting down continuing to knit.

…

"Clare, you have to start. You have to fight for your sanity and yourself." He preached.

"You don't know what it's like. When it happens to someone else it's always "poor dear," but when it happens to you…it means everything." She said.

Eli began to pace back and forth in her room. She was wondering what he was thinking. But he stopped and pulled off his shirt turning his face to the side.

Clare gasped at the vision before her. Eli's beautiful body was marred with scars. Walking up to him she touched his chest. Unexpected was an understatement. She almost cried knowing that this beautiful man had been through pain.

…..

"Mom I'm doing great. I'm having fun." Alli was talking to her mom. She did miss her but she wasn't ready to leave yet. She felt as if she had become a part of the family. She hoped Sav and her father were looking down on her smiling. She hoped they were proud of her.

Her heart went out to Clare. She lived a miserable life. A mother who was meticulous and anal about everything. She wanted to slap her hard. All she needed was 10 minutes with her.

…..

Taking her hand he sat her back down, looking at her;

"I do know what it's like Clare."

"Did you do this….."

"No not self-inflicted….i used to fight a lot….for no reason. Anyone who thought they better than me… I felt as if I needed to prove myself to them. The sick part is that I wore these scars as a badge of honor."

"Eli I didn't know." Clare said.

"I didn't tell you because….I felt as if some things needed to be left in the past…I'm sorry." Clare nodded.

"I want to leave this in the past." She rested her head on Eli's shoulder.

...

"So what does this mean?" Adam asked Dave. Dave continued to look at his birth certificate. According to this piece of paper, Laurence Turner was his father. He had so many questions to ask him…of course…he had to find him. Why didn't his mother tell him anything?

"I have a name. I mean….he hasn't been in my life but I at least need to know the man who gave me birth. I owe myself that." Alli listened to Dave.

She wanted him to meet his father but she didn't want him to get his hopes up. She didn't want him to picture the perfect guy….meet him….and find out he was horrible. She was going to support him no matter what.

….

Clare sat down hugging her legs to herself. Alli joined her.

"Als, I'm ready to take control of my life. I am tired of hiding and running. I'm tired of feeling ashamed for what I'm not rather than rejoicing for who I am." She said.

"Me too….I want the best for you…. Clare when I first met you….I must admit….I was a little jealous of you." Alli bit her lip.

"Why?" Clare asked. Why would Alli be jealous of her? She had so much herself.

"You are so wise and mature. You seemed to be grounded and so sure of yourself. You always took charge of a situation. You fought….even if you fought alone." Alli smiled.

"That's amazing considering how I can't fight against my mother and father." Clare rested her head on her pillow."

"…..But you can….you have to see what you want and take it. You have to see that you deserve to be happy…Clare-Bear" Alli changed into her pajamas.

…

"I'm really glad Clare has you in her life, Eli." Amelia rubbed his back. Eli hugged her crying. Taken aback she held him close.

"What is the matter child?" Amelia said sitting down.

"Clare…..I don't want her to disapprove of me. I'm putting so much pressure on myself. I want to make her feel better…live better."

"Then…..that's all you can do….you can not cure her. She has to deal with this. She has to want to change. Your love for her is evident. You two remind me so much of me and Earl. He was never a talker but the way he looked at me reminds me of how you look at Clare…like a diamond among rubies…..Clare does not need you to fix her….she is not a machine…..all she expects of you is to be there in her time of need.

….

George was sitting in his study…looking in his scrapbook….at Clare and Darcy. He had lost both of his daughters and he knew it. That was why Darcy left, because he left them emotionally. He got so consumed in his job…his success. He forgot what his real prizes were.

They were grown up now. Time flies by so fast. Now he was just sitting looking at their baby pictures. His marriage was over. He tried to talk to Joyce about the divorce but she always kept changing the subject.

He had fallen in love with someone else. He didn't mean for it to happen but it did. In the process, Joyce got lost into Clare's life. He noticed Clare's depression but he was too selfish to help. He would never forgive himself but he would make things right. For once and for all.


	15. This Circle

**Chapter 14**

**This Circle**

…**..**

As the days passed, Clare was starting to see her reality…her sparkle was returning. To Eli's liking, she wasn't cutting. The whole house was supportive of her. They kept her occupied as well as showed her their love. Today was different though.

El and Clare were sitting in the tree holding each other. Times like these made Eli glad she was in his life. He would not turn back the hands of time. He had no regrets. Having Clare …here in his arms….at this minute….without running away for him…was worth it.

Clare enjoyed being in his arms. She wouldn't give this up for anyone. There was nothing like being in the arms of someone you loved. There was nothing like being held with a pair of strong arms. Sometimes normalcy wasn't a bad thing.

At the moment, they were like any normal couple making out. Eli loved the way she always responded to his touch. The only way he could make reason of it is that they had met in a past life. There connection was created at the beginning of time.

Clare began to move her fingers under his t-shirt. She smiled when he groaned. She was happy that she could give him pleasure. She wanted him to feel like he made her feel…so alive….so loved. Nibbling on her lip, he began to unbutton shirt, but stopped himself…forgetting where he was.

"Why did you stop?" Clare gasped, her lips swollen. Eli traced her cheek.

"Sorry." He kissed her forehead. "I almost forgot where we were." He buttoned her shirt up slowly engraving her body in his memory.

"….o…yeah." Clare looked embarrassed.

…..

Amelia was feeding Pocket and Zipper. She had a dilemma. For once, she didn't have the answer. Over the course of a few weeks, Clare's father called her. He unloaded all of his baggage…the attempt of divorce…his affair…and Clare.

She didn't know if she should have told Clare because she didn't want to open up old wounds. She didn't want him to just jump back into her life and pick up where he left off. She wanted him to ease his way back into her life.

"You have a lot on your mind." Dave came inside wiping his hands on the old rag. "You know something that you're not telling."

"I think everyone is entitled to a few secrets here and there." Amelia said as Dave passed her a water bottle.

"You are right as always Amelia, but sometimes what is done in the dark comes into the light." He sat down in front of the older woman.

"Dave when you get older, you will realize that parents do what is best for their children. I know at times, we all have our selfish moments, but our children are number one on our lists."

"Is there something about my mother I need to know?" Dave asked thinking it was about himself. "I mean…did you know something about my father."

Amelia smiled at his baffledness. "No dear. I am simply speaking of myself. A parent raises their child hoping that they will go off into the world and have a bright future. When some make mistakes that can't be redeemed…the parent begins to wonder if they did anything wrong."

Dave listened to Amelia. He hoped she didn't think that she was a bad mother. She was far from. "Is this about George? I can go get Clare." He began to get up, she grabbed his arm.

"No…do not tell her just yet. I will tell her in due time. I just want to make sure she is ready." She said.

…..

"I forbid you to see that…whatever." Glenda screamed at Fiona.

"No I won't do that." Fiona cried. Adam and she had grown closer over the weeks. He was her best friend. Never had she met a person who listened to her attentively. His eyes were what captured her. She could not lie when she looked into them…and he knew that.

"Aunt…he is just a friend." She said.

"He is already warping your mind…..that is a girl Fiona." Glenda folded her arms. She would not let her niece fall in the path as her nephew. Life was hard for him. She did not want Fiona to be discriminated against.

So what if Fiona saw Adam as a man. It was not her business…or anyone else's as a matter of fact. The town was too small. Everyone knew about everyone. She couldn't help it that she felt so comforted when she was with him. Everything fell into place.

"Where are you going?" Glenda asked as Fiona turned the doorknob.

"Away….from here….from you." Fiona ran out.

…..

"Alli, have you ever wanted to start over?" Clare asked Alli as they began to fix supper.

"Not so much as start over…but I have wanted to go back in time." Alli began to put the peas in the pot.

"I guess…." Clare started to season the chicken."

"As much as we wish to start over….we can't forget all that has happened. Instead of starting over or rewinding time…we should handle life as it is thrown at us."Alli reached for a fork.

"Yeah….I wish I knew how to get through to my mother and father. Then I can finally breathe."

"I'm just glad you're not cutting again. When Milly found out…..she cried…she couldn't sleep either." Alli began to set the table.

"I know..she is the main reason I am getting myself together. I don't want her to worry about me."

_Ring,Ring_

"I'll get it." Clare answered. To her dismay, it was her mother.

"Where is he Clare?" Joyce's stern voice wailed.

"Who?" Clare asked.

"Don't play dumb…your father."

"How would I know mom? He doesn't even talk to me." She was intent on her conversation she didn't notice when everyone came to help set the table. Adam walked by her casually hoping to hear the conversation. Dave and Eli set the plates. Alli rationed the food.

"Watch that tone." Joyce said.

"..Maybe…maybe…you should watch for husband and stop trying to make me the go-between." Clare hung up furiously.

"That woman just….uhhhhhh…" She turned around clenching her fists. She bit her lip putting her head down. They just overlooked her display sitting down relieved that she was able to stand up for herself.

…..

Joyce was furious at her daughter. They were all against her. She did not know why. She only wanted the best out of life for herself….and her family. Amelia was corrupting her. She was going to get Clare away from her.

….

George looked at his cell phone. He wanted to call his daughter. She would not answer. He would just send her a text. He knew that she would never forgive him. He wanted to remind her that she was not alone. He did love her; she was his flesh and bones. He was not going to lose another daughter.

Darcy's death was traumatic. He knew Clare was always competing against her. Perhaps she was not competing…Joyce tried making her live up to Darcy's image. She still tried to live up to a ghost. He wanted Clare to know that she did not need to prove herself to him.

Joyce….he did not see her as his wife anymore….was always controlling but when they lost Darcy, she turned cruel and venomous. He tried to put effort in the marriage..it was no use. He was so depressed, he began to focus on regaining himself.

Calling Clare again, he hoped she would pick up. When she did not, he hoped that she could call him back.


	16. This Circle part 2

**Chapter 14**

**This Circle**

**Part 2**

…**..**

What was she to say to him? How can you live in the same house as someone and not know anything about them. She fidgeted her hands as she griped the cell phone. She listened to the voice message:

"Hey Clare….I wanted to talk to you. I understand if you don't want to see me face to face. I will work for that. I will gain your trust again. I just want to hear your voice….please call me when you get the chance." Clare hung up.

She cried when she heard his deep voice vibrating through the phone. As angry as she was, she wanted her daddy. She wanted what other girls had. She would return his call tomorrow. She made note as she walked downstairs to check on her granny.

"Hey granny." Clare put the blanket over the woman passing her the remote.

"Thank you Lovely." She coughed a little bit.

"Is everything ok…do you need some Ny-Quil?" Clare asked sitting on her bed.

"No dear….I'm just a little chilli. What I want to talk about is you."

"Granny I'm good. Really…everyone is taking good care of me."

"Especially Eli." Amelia teased as Clare blushed. "I just want you mentally healthy. I think the key to that is…"

"I know….I know….facing my fears…..speaking of that…..Dad called."

"How do you feel about that?" Amelia held her hand.

"Alright…I guess…I am going to talk to him….I don't have any expectations." She confessed.

"..That's wonderful sweetheart. George….my son…may have his downfalls but just look into his heart. Remember, you forgive others for yourself…so you will not have to carry on the burden."

…..

"Why didn't you tell me, you were going to see him tomorrow?" Alli asked Dave as he came downstairs to lay with her.

"Because….lately I just felt as if Clare needed the most attention. He rested his head on her chest. Raising his head up, Alli said:

"You need as much attention as anyone. You don't come second to anyone." She pecked his lips.

"I know….I just didn't want to be selfish." He said. ".,….Besides….he's not my father…..my uncle….my father's brother…. Laurence died last year."

"O….I'm sorry to hear that."

"Me too….but at least I get to meet someone from my father's side." Dave said smiling. He was glad Earl still could pull strings, even in his death. The local sheriff was glad to help him. He was happy that other people saw him as more than just the drug addict's son.

"Alli….since day one…you have always been there for me." He folded his lips pushing himself on top of her. Alli was speechless. Her heart was beating, never had a boy made her feel like this.

There she lay hair sprayed out over the couch. Dave ran his fingers through it. She closed her eyes. This was too good to pass up. Lowering himself, he kissed her slowly wanted to savor it. As she gasped, he slipped his tongue into her mouth teasing her.

…

Eli and Clare were enjoying themselves as well. She could never get used to feeling his tongue on her neck. Lacing his fingers with hers, he raised them over her head.

"Do you trust me?" Eli started rubbing her stomach. She let go of the breath she didn't know she held as she nodded. Raising her shirt, he began to touch her scars.

"Eli…it's…."Clare gulped.

"It's beautiful." He looked into her eyes as he kissed her scars. She began to moan as he began to touch her chest. He smirked as he began to suck on her ear.

"Eli…I'm not ready." She said.

"I know." He stopped pulling her into his arms.

"No pressure…I'm glad you are talking to you're going to talk to your dad. You need him now." He smiled.

"Yeah….my stomach is in knots right now. I'm not even going to see him and I'm this anxious."

…..

"So…where did you run off today?" Adam joined Fiona on her roof stargazing with her.

"No where really." She looked at him as he kept looking at the night sky.

"What kind of answer is that?" Adam asked not trying to look at her. He was sitting next to a very attractive girl. He had never been this close to a female before. He began to shake.

"Are you cold? I can go inside and get you a blanket." She jumped up before he could stop her. As she began to search in her closet, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"It's much warmer in here." He said closing the window. Fiona got scared, but scared in a good way. Adam could tell. Eyes are the mirror to one's soul. She just stood there looking at him, not knowing what to do.

Adam stared at the beauty in front of him. She was so soft spoken….so pristine….so perfect for him. But he had to settle for what he had…friendship. Taking her hand, he led her to her bed.

"You didn't answer the question." Adam looked in her eyes knowing she would not resist.

"I didn't run off…I just walked around here…I was imagining that I ran away." She said.

"Do you always feel the need to run?" Adam asked tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Not…ummmm…..when I'm with you." She answered hugging him.

….

Today was the big day. He was going to meet his uncle. Tyler was his name. He was sitting in the eatery. His heart was pounding out of his chest. He eyed the door as patrons walked in and out. There was one who caught his attention.

He favored Dave a lot…his caramel skin…..dark brown eyes. He knew he had met his kin. Apparently, the older man did too making his way toward the table. Dave stood hugging the man he had never seen before.

He felt as if his whole world was crashing and burning, but in a good way. He felt at home at a place he had never been before.

"Hello Dave…nice to finally meet you." Tyler sat down.

"Yeah it is." Dave joined him.

…

Adam smiled thinking of Fiona. She hugged him. He wanted to kiss her but he would save that for later. For now, he would be her refuge. He found his purpose.

…

"Hey…..Dad." She said as he answered. Her nerves were everywhere at once.

"Hello….Clare. How are you?" George was so happy she called him back. He was not going to take this chance for granted.

"….I'm…..good….granny's good too." She smiled.

"I'm glad you are talking to me Clare…..I miss you." He said with sincerity.

"I don't know what to …"

"You don't have to respond to that. I just want you to know that you are special."

"…What made you do this now?" Clare asked. He didn't think she was going to welcome him with open arms. Is it possible to live with a man and only see him as a stranger?

"I want to make things right. Darcy's death opened my eyes. I had lost a daughter I didn't know. I don't want to go through that again. I want to be there for you…..if you would like?"

"…..I want that too." She said at last.

"Would you mind if I took you out to dinner? Father…daughter night."

"Ok." She smiled.

"I…..love you Clare." He said.

"….See you later." She hung up. He was her father but she was not comfortable telling him she loved him. Too much happened. Little did happen.

…


	17. My Heart

**Chapter 15**

**My Heart**

…..

Here they both were…..in a little "hole in the wall" restaurant….saying nothing. George took a sip of his coffee. He was on pins and needles. He was expecting Clare to make an appropriate outburst. He was waiting. It was only fair.

Clare was waiting for this moment. Now that it was here, she didn't know how to act. That was why she avoided eye contact. The cold coke she ordered was left untouched. _"Open your mouth; this is your chance….say what is on your mind."_

"Why are you here?" Clare asked releasing the breath she did not know she was holding. The older man sat down the cup.

"…..because I need to be." He stated.

"No you don't. After all of these years…you just decide to pop up. Darcy's dead! She is gone…..never coming back. I'm not a replacement." Tears fell from her eyes as the man handed her tissue. He came back for her. Darcy was beautiful and talented with a kind-heart…this was true, but Clare was beautiful in the same way. Never had he known someone who was so determined.

"What? Loss of words…mom put you up to this didn't she?" She stood up as her father grabbed her wrist.

"No Clare. Please sit down….me and your mother do not see eye to eye on many things. She doesn't even know that I came here. I took it upon myself to see you. If you never want to speak to me again, I just want you to know that I never saw you as Darcy's shadow. Once she died, it seemed your mother just swept her memory underneath the rug. She did not grieve or mourn."

"…..Then why were you never there for me?" She looked him in the eye.

"…Parents are not perfect Clare. You were so strong. I never had to worry about you. You seemed to be able to handle everything that came your way. Darcy, on the other hand, was more prone to crumbling." He reached underneath the table for table pulling out a scrapbook.

"This is for you." He said.

…..

Alli stared from afar waiting patiently as Dave and his Uncle looked at his mother's tombstone. She decided to stay back to give them both sometime.

"Are you still mad at her?" The older man asked.

"Sometimes…I feel as if she just left me. I wanted more time with her. Why couldn't I just have had more time?" Dave said. Tyler rested his hand on his shoulder.

"Because…it was not in God's plan. She was suffering so much. Her and Laurence were both fighting something bigger than themselves." He stated.

"I know you did not have the chance to meet him…but know this…..he did love your mother."

"Then why didn't he find us?"

"…Your mother was the lucky one. She fought against it…she fought for her life. Her strength is instilled in you. Laurence was not so lucky, he could not help himself. He would not let us help him. I didn't even know nephew."

"….Correction, you didn't think I was your brother's son. I know she had a reputation." Tyler dropped his head.

"….That does not matter. All I care about is that I found you." He smiled.

…..

Clare looked through the clippings. He kept all her newspaper clippings, certificates, and pictures. Her eyes carefully scrolled every intricate piece.

"How did you….do this?"She looked up.

"Me and Darce did it. I wanted to give it to you but I didn't know how. The right opportunity never came up…until now. When she died Clare, I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do. A part of my heart is missing, but I still have you too. I don't want to be like me. Please learn from my mistakes."

…

Adam handed Milly the little pink pill for her arthritis. She was so cute. He couldn't help but smile at her as she continued to knit. She was so resilient. Nothing seemed to keep her down.

"I am almost done with the quilt." She held it up admiring her work.

"Looks good Milly." Adam smiled as Eli was putting plaster over the holes in the wall.

"Are you sure you are feeling fine?" Eli asked.

"Like my grandmother use to say, being old is a blessing but such a convenience." She smiled at him.

"….Yeah." Adam said.

"O stop it you two. I have many more years to come. I just hope you will all keep in touch when "it" happens.

"Well, It won't happen anytime soon. So we don't have to talk about it." Adam said

…

"How did it go?" Alli asked holding Dave's hand.

"As of right now….things couldn't get any better." He kissed her hand.

…..

"…..George. Thank you for this. I didn't think I meant so much to you." She hugged the book to her. Her heart swelled with so much emotion. She was loved.

"Clare…I do love you. You are my little girl. No one could take your place." He smiled.

"I miss her. I always think about her. What would she say if she saw me like this."

"She would say you were human." He stated.

"I can't give you an exact answer on whether or not I want you in my life…but."

"You don't have to say anything, I understand. Things like this take time." He nodded.

"You are definitely Amelia's son. She would say the same thing." Clare smiled.

….

As George opened the car door for Clare, he phone began to vibrate. He just ignored it as he started the ignition as he placed the phone on the seat.

"Dad….whoever it is must really be trying to get in touch with you." Clare said.

"They don't matter." He sighed in relief as the phone stopped ringing. As he turned the corner, the phone fell on her side. Noticing the missing call on the screen she picked it up:

"Of course….she would be calling you." Clare said.

"I didn't want you to see that." He pulled off to the side of the road.

"….Dad….I didn't need to see it, but I have to. I can't keep dodging her." She called his voicemail.

"George I know you are doing this on purpose. You can't keep ignoring me. I am not going away. You and Clare make me out to be the bad guy, but I am not. I am coming and there is nothing you can do about it."

"O crap." They both said in unison.


	18. My Heart part 2

**Chapter 15**

**My Heart**

**Part 2**

…..

Amelia hung up the phone in her daughter-in law's face. She would no longer entertain the woman's foolishness. Things were beginning to fall into place for her Lovely. She had Eli and her father back.

She would do whatever it took to keep her granddaughter happy.

"Joyce is going to be pissed." Adam petted Zipper.

"I know, but as you kids say….I think she got the message." Amelia grinned.

"You are really something." Adam kissed her on the cheek.

_Ding Dong_

"I'll get it." Adam sat the woman down.

"Fiona….what are you doing here?" Fiona held her head down at this question.

"No…no…..not like that. I mean…what brings you here…not that I'm not happy to see you…" He continued to babble.

"What my friend is trying to say is "I'm so happy to see you. Please come in." Eli opened the door.

"Hi Ms. Amelia." Fiona bent down to hug her.

"Nice to see you again, Fi. Adam take her outside." Fiona blushed as Adam grabbed her hand.

….

George and Clare were racing against the clock to back to Milly. They knew what Joyce was capable of. She was going to unleash everything on Amelia. Clare would do whatever it took to protect her grandmother. She owed her that much.

….

Joyce pulled up in the driveway and began knocking on the door frantically.

"Go away Joyce." Eli said. He would protect Clare with all his being.

"Let her in Eli…" Amelia commanded.

"…But…." Eli said.

"Do as you are told." The woman said as the boy obeyed.

"Who the hell do you think you are to interfere with me and my child?" Joyce barged inside.

"O you consider her that. Be honest. She is not your child…only a puppet." Eli said.

"Stay out of this." Both women chimed.

"Eli this is not your battle. Go outside." Amelia commanded.

"I'm glad to see you have that much sense." Joyce stated.

"I pity you Joyce. I really do. You have no life so you try to live it through Clare. That stops now."Amelia said.

"O please, get off of your pedestal. You suggested the idea." She folded her arms.

"Yes I did, but for the right reasons. I wanted Lovely to gain confidence and etiquette. I wanted her to have fun…not to be some windup doll. You already lost one daughter. You are losing the other one and you don't even see it.

…..

Adam and Fiona were oblivious to their environment. The two teens were enjoying their kiss. Adam pulled her close to him as he played in his hair. Fiona broke away to part for air.

"….That was nice." Fiona squeaked shocked by Adam's forwardness. Out of nowhere, he grabbed her. She had never experience passion like that.

Before the two could speak, Eli walked up to the garage.

"Not to ruin the hallmark moment, but how can you both not hear that?" Eli said.

…

Clare ran to the house as her dad parked.

"Don't you dare mention Darcy's name." Clare heard her mother say.

"Mom, please, don't take it out on Granny."

"Get your stuff Clare. It is time to go." Joyce barked.

"Mom. I can't. I've always done everything you have asked me in the past. For once, let me do something I love."

"You are my daughter. You do as I tell you. You ungrateful…" Joyce was ready to strike but George caught her hand.

"Joyce. Enough is enough. Stop. Clare needs this." George sat her down.

"O so now everything is my fault." Tears flowed from her eyes. That was the only showing of emotion Clare saw of her mother.

"Darcy would want us happy. She would want us to rejoice." George stated.

"How do you know what she would want? She left us. She didn't even say good-bye when she went to Africa." Joyce sniffled. Amelia handed her the tissue.

"She would not want you to hit Clare. She would not want you to be angry for no reason." George stated.

"Mom…she left because of us." Clare grabbed her hand hoping she would understand.

"Dad was never around….you weren't there either….at least not mentally. You became so consumed…so caustic. I don't know what else I can say to make you listen because it seems like the more I talk the more you don't listen…..but I need you to let me be here."

"Clare you are the only daughter I have left. I only want you to succeed. I wanted to be apart of Darcy's life, but she did not let me….Now I see why. I did not know I caused you to do all of this." The woman raised Clare's sleeve looking at her arms.

"….That is in the past mom. For once…please let me be happy." Joyce nodded looking at George and Amelia.

"Then…..I will give you that." Clare smiled as the woman left.

….

Many nights were quiet at the farm, but not as quiet as this. Never had she felt at peace. She smiled as Eli held her in his arms.

"It's finally over." He kissed her forehead, gently touching her stomach.

"I know right." She closed her eyes. She had her father. She only hoped her mother could understand. She hoped that one day, they could be close but she would not think of this now.

She would focus all of her attention on her love.

"You look so beautiful when you smile." He said.

"You are part of that smile." She kissed him.

...

**Only one more chapter left! Please look at my newest story "If Only Time Flew Like A Dove." :)**


	19. Hear You Me

**Chapter 16**

**Hear You Me**

…

"So this is what it feels like to be a ghost." Clare dropped her bags in her father's apartment. She couldn't help but feel removed. As unfamiliar as she felt, she was happy she was starting over.

After her vacation, she and her father took a week for sight-seeing. Everything began to unravel but in a good way. Her mother was seeking help. She and her father were growing closer and she was letting the past stay the past.

She began to forgive herself for hating Darcy. She was finally seeing herself as beautiful. But as soon as she stepped into her new room, she instantly missed Eli, Ali, Dave and Adam. She wondered what the members of her disfigured "Breakfast Club" were doing. She remembered how it felt leaving her granny and them behind.

_Flashback:_

_Clare walked outside kissing her granny on the cheek and hugging Adam. Ali had left a week before. Looking at her surroundings with her luggage in her hands, she took a deep breath._

"_Bet you never thought you would never be glad to go home." Eli put his arms around her waist. _

"_Who knew?" Clare smiled as he kissed her cheek._

"…_.You know I love you right." Eli took her luggage walking to her dad's car._

"…_..Yeah." She smiled as he opened the car door. He couldn't do what he wanted to do because Mr. Edwards was watching._

"_Tell Dave I said "good-bye." Smiling at how he too was getting close to his uncle._

"_I will." He said._

"_Remember you got a promise to keep…visits on the weekends..and a phone call everyday." Clare smiled. George rolled his eyes at the two teens._

"_By the way…Eli…I love you too." She kissed him. _

…..

"Ok Adam. Ok…we are on the way." George hung up the phone.

"Come on kiddo. We have to go to the hospital." He said with urgency.

"O my god. Granny!" Clare started to cry. She knew this time was coming, but not so soon. "Please just hang on." She said as they drove on their way. George held her hand.

….

Eli was pacing as Dave was sitting in waiting room. He never wanted to return here again.

"…No Als…please just stay there. Her condition hasn't change. I'll let you know if it does…love you." He hung up the phone.

Adam returned with 3 coffees. "I knew…we knew…"

"Clare doesn't have to know that. We decided not to tell her for her stability." Eli stated.

"…Beside Ameilia didn't want her know she was dying. We were respecting her wishes." Dave said.

"I just keep trying to piece this together and it still doesn't make this easier." Adam stated.

…..

Alli was on her way to the hospital. She knew Dave was just being overly concerned but she had to go her. She had fallen in love with the old woman. She was her grandmother as she was theirs.

…..

"Dad…" Clare said as she walked in the doors.

"Despite everything Clare, she would want you to live." He dried her tears.

"…and that's what I will do…but still…" Clare cried.

"Yeah…it's never easy for a child to lose their mother." He said.

"Clare!" Adam hugged her and her father. "She's not doing too well."

"I know son." George touched his shoulder as Eli hugged Clare."

"Excuse me…Dr. Channing. May I go see her."

"She's not responding, but she can still hear you." He smiled sadly.

…..

As she walked into the old woman's room. She wasn't expecting to see her look like this….so drained…wearing an oxygen mask. Grabbing her hand, she smiled at her liver spots.

"I've been playing this over and over in my mind…and I don't know what say…because you have always been there for me when I needed you. Now you are here and I need you here now. You made me feel like I had someone who loved me no matter what…and that is what you have given me. You gave me life and hope again. You gave me back dad and even mom. I just want you to know that me, Eli, Alli, Adam, and Dave will always be in others lives. You have worked so hard for so long, now…it is your turn to rest." Clare kissed her on the forehead one last time as she walked out.

"You ok." Eli put his arm around her as she sat down.

"Yeah. I'm good." She smiled.

…..

George knew all the burdens his mother carried. Though he was sad to see her in this state, she was getting what she finally deserved…..freedom.

…

"Excuse me…" Dr. Channing said. "There is nothing more we can do. She is barely hanging by a thread."

"You don't have to say anything else. I'll do it." George walked into the room as Clare broke down.

"I just wanted to tell you all that Amelia was a wonderful woman who never ran out of love to give. She was a blessing to us all." Dr. Channing walked away because he too was getting emotional.

….

"Clare-Bear." Alli stated with tears in her eyes. She had arrived as they went back to the house to pick out Amelia's dress.

"It's ok." Clare reassured as she cried grabbing her best friend's hand. Walking inside she imagined smelling a home cooked dinner. God did she miss her.

"Clare she wanted you to have this." Adam gave the beautiful blanket her granny finished. She hugged the soft fabric to her. She imagined it to be Amelia.

…

"You ok Dave?" Alli looked through the dresses.

"I'm good. I'm glad you decided to come anyway." He kissed her.

"Me too." She selected the white dress suit. She smiled remembering how she wore the dress to church.

"She'd want to be buried in this." Dave smiled.

…..

"What are you going to do with the house?" Eli asked.

"Give it to you guys." He smiled. "This has been a home away from home for each of you. I can't turn it into something else." George patted him on the back.

"Thanks." The teenager hugged the man.

….

Clare was getting ready for the funeral. She hardly slept a wink last night. She was ready to get this day over with. She was anxious. She was supposed to speak, but she didn't know what to say. She had nothing really to say because Amelia was at peace now. She wanted them to celebrate her life…and that was what she was going to do.

As the funeral carried on, there were laughs and cries of the woman who was a godsend. It was her time to talk. As she walked up to the podium in the church, she looked at her friends and father for comfort.

"Amelia…was so many words….loving, beautiful, mother, friend….but she was never a complainer…her genuinity always shined in the darkest honor…she brightened everyone's day. That is what I learned from her…I loved how to love. That's what she wanted…us to love one another and appreciate one another. She would not want up to cry because she's happy. This is a legacy I will continue throughout my life."

Clare took her seat as Eli held her hand. She didn't know what the future held in stored for her, but she had Eli and the three best friends anyone could ask for. She had a father who would never leave her side. Though her granny was there, she knew she had her and her love too.

**The End**

So there you have it. The final chapter. I can't believe it's over myself but I want to end it on a high note. Thank you all for reviewing my story. I really enjoyed writing it. I have another story called "Bleeding Love." This pertains to Alli. Please review.


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